When Reality Hits
by parachutes and such
Summary: Logan and James share an intimate moment, leaving them both confused. Jagan and Kenlos slash. Rated T for some themes and words. My first fic, enjoy! R&R!
1. Driving Lessons

**When Reality Hits**

**A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever! And it's a multichapter one so bear with me! Please read and review, and give some input. Chapter 2 is already in the works, but I don't know how long it will take to finish. First chapter includes only James and Logan, Carlos and Kendall appear either next chapter or the third.**

**I'm still trying to figure out how this website works actually. I've only been reading fics up till now, never really thought I had it in me to write one myself. I guess things change :)**

**I'm also still trying to improve my vocabulary and sentence structure, grammar, all that stuff, so if something seems amiss, I'm sorry. I'm honestly not that great of a writer!**

**This author's note is getting kind of long. Thank you for taking the time to read this. On with the story!**

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><p>"Please, Logan?"<p>

"For the tenth time James, no means no."

James scrunched his face as he gave a frown. Logan remained uninterested and apathetic, despite his good friend's pleas and attempt at a saddened facial expression.

"C'mon! Just a quick drive around the block! It'll be over before you know it!" James continued.

"James, I got my license two months ago. I am not allowed to drive other minors in the car for another ten months. And I am not risking getting my license revoked so you can learn how to drive."

"Revoked?" James questioned.

Logan gave a small sigh, "Suspended."

James kept a questioning look on his face.

"Logie's license go bye-bye." Logan said, defeated from simplifying his vocabulary to words that James would be able to comprehend.

James shook his head, trying to ignore the recent English lesson he just got and tried to urge Logan on, "But you were fine driving us for that music video!"

"A valid point. But that was different."

"How so?" James questioned in a tone louder than needed be.

"That was for the band. Not for your benefit. Plus that was already too risky, and I am not willing to take that risk again." Logan retaliated. James dropped his shoulders and sighed, and Logan gave a smirk, knowing that he had won. James made another puppy dog face, and Logan surprisingly found pity for his depressed friend.

"Why can't you just wait until Mama Knight comes back? You know she's more than willing to teach you how to drive."

"But she and Katie won't be back until later tonight! She's not going to teach me when it's already nighttime. Plus she's busy again tomorrow, so that means she won't help me until…" James paused, and used his fingers to count something, "…Thursday!"

Logan raised an eyebrow at James, questioning his methods of determining what day two days from now landed on. James gave a similar look back, shook his head in the process, leaned forward, and mouthed the word what, oblivious to why Logan looked confused.

"I'll say this one last time, no." Logan said, elongating the word no to emphasize his disapproval.

"Fine, if you aren't willing to teach me, that means I'm just going to have to teach myself." James said and trailed off.

"What do you m-" Logan cut himself off when he saw James head towards the coat rack and rummage through the packets of Logan's leather jacket to retrieve keys to the car Gustavo let the boys keep for themselves. James shook the keys and stared at Logan with widened eyes and made his way towards the door. Logan's eyes widened as well, in realization of what James had previously stated. He bolted out of his chair and, in what seemed like a split-second, stood in front of the door of apartment 2J and held out his arms, as a means of barricading James from getting out. James was shocked, looked back at where Logan had sat, to Logan at the door and wondered how a human being was able to move in such a quick manner.

"James, I am not letting you drive by yourself with just a permit!"

"Try and stop me," James said with a grin, and he walked towards Logan, who was still stationed by the door.

Logan blocked James from grabbing the doorknob, while James held the keys behind his back, out of Logan's reach. In a few seconds, their arms became a tangled mess, but Logan was able to have James move back, right around to the center of the apartment. He continued to reach around James's large frame to grab hold of the keys. James started laughing halfway through Logan's futile attempts, while Logan continued to grunt as he kept on extending his arms, but to no avail. James then held the keys behind Logan's back. Before Logan was able to try to reach for them, James held the keys over his head. Then he shouted, "Wait!", and he brought up the index finger of his free hand in front of Logan's frustrated face.

Logan brought his eyebrows together and asked, "What?" with an annoyed tone.

"This reminds me too much of our fight with the sneakers. Doesn't it?"

Logan, who now had his hand on James's arm and was on his tiptoes, tilted his head to the said, and nodded in agreement, "Yes it does, huh."

Logan and James held their positions as an awkward silence reared its ugly head. Logan then snapped out of the flashback he was having of the sneakers incident and returned to jumping up and down for the keys.

"Give me the keys James!"

"Not until you agree to teach me how to drive!"

"Not a chance!"

James kept moving backwards as Logan continued his pursuit for the keys. The edge of a rug caused James to lose his footing, falling backwards. He tried to save his fall by wrapping his free arm around Logan's waist, which only caused Logan to fall as well; in his case, on top of James. James's back hit the edge of the orange couch, which caused his head to jerk back, instantly giving him pain in his neck. Logan fell right on top of James, his head landing on James's chest, and now what was once tangled arms, became tangled legs.

Logan groaned after the fall. He pushed himself up, his head leaving James's chest, with one hand and noticed that he had successfully pried the keys off of James's fingers in the process of falling. Logan smirked at his success and turned to the boy he landed on top of. Upon looking at James, his smirk disappeared.

James reached for his neck with his arm, and gave out a might groan as well. His eyes were closed at the moment and he hissed from the pain that came from his neck. He opened his eyes and his gaze met Logan's.

Logan's heart started beating rapidly as he stared into James's lush hazel eyes. His mind wondered why his heartbeat sped up, and why, for some he reason, he could not, and more importantly did not, want to move.

The feeling was mutual. James found himself unwilling to get Logan off of him and instead, he kept his gaze on Logan's chocolate eyes. The beating of his heart grew rapid as well. He was unsure of what to do, confused of the state he, and Logan too for that matter, was in. The arm that he had wrapped around Logan's waist crept up Logan's back and continued until James's fingers grasped the nape of Logan's neck. He leaned his head forward and tilted his head slightly.

"James, wha-," Logan's words were cut off as his lips met James's. His eyes widened at the contact, but he found himself giving in to the kiss, and closed his eyes. Their lips stayed together for a good eight seconds. James heard Logan gave a faint moan and suddenly broke off the kiss and jumped to his feet, causing Logan to flip over and fall back. Logan hoisted his upper half, and settled on his elbows.

When James got up on his feet, he bent his head down. He then wiped his lips with his sleeve, and remained silent.

Logan stared at James; a silence presented itself once again. Logan was slightly panting, and saw that James was breathing quite heavily as well. He saw James wipe his lips, and then he too, looked down on the floor, realizing what it had meant, but still confused over the entire situation.

The silence was unbearable, and Logan was first to break it. Logan looked up at James once again and with a gulp, he managed to say, "If you still want to learn to drive, I…"

"No it's fine. I, uh, lost interest." James cut Logan off, but refused to look at him.

"James, what just…"

"I don't know. Let's not talk about it. I'll see you later." James said with a faint voice, and started to walk towards the door, leaving Logan behind, still on the floor. Logan watched James walk away and remained silent. Three words resonated in his head. _What just happened?_

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><p><strong>Ahhhh, there it is. Kindly give input. All reviews are appreciated :)<strong>


	2. Nothing Happened

**A/N: First of all, I am so sorry it took this long to put up Chapter 2! I've been working on my summer assignments for my AP Bio and AP Literature classes and school for me is starting within the week already! But I managed, and here it is!**

**Second, thanks so much to everyone that reviewed the story! ****I give you all my love and thanks, and hopefully, you like the rest of the story :)**

**Third, I completely forgot to put a disclaimer on the first chapter, so here it is. I do not own Big Time Rush. (But if I did...*eyes widen*)**

**Enjoy Chapter 2 everyone!**

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><p>"C'mon! You know that girl was totally into you." Carlos exclaimed as he barged in to apartment 2J.<p>

"Yeah, but she wasn't really my type." Kendall followed.

Kendall and Carlos were coming home from a day of "girl hunting" around the Palm Woods park. Well, it was more like a "help Kendall find a girl other than Jo who he recently broke up with because she had to move to New Zealand for a movie deal and who he still needs to get over" day.

"Not your type? She was pretty, funny, and has a nice smile. If that isn't your type, then what is?" Carlos said.

"Well, I don't know. You know, maybe, probably, someone like…" Kendall started, making awkward faces before getting to his point.

"Do not say Jo, because that would mean I failed my mission today."

"Well guess what, you failed." Kendall gave a sarcastic smile and knocked on Carlos's helmet, making the Latino scrunch his face in frustration. He then noticed a figure on the floor, looking down, as if absent-minded and unwary of Kendall and Carlos being in the apartment.

"Hey, Logan?" Kendall asked, confused.

Logan looked up from where he was staring at the floor, to find Kendall and Carlos with bewildered looks etched on their faces. He kept the same expression, distracted and preoccupied, causing Kendall and Carlos to raise their eyebrows in unison.

"Is something wrong?" Carlos questioned.

Logan's gaze left Kendall's and Carlos's, and returned to the same spot on the floor he stared at previously. He then managed to mutter, "Nothing," and hoisted himself up to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Kendall urged on.

"I'm fine."

Kendall walked over to his best friend, and grabbed him by the shoulders. Logan refused to make eye contact. Kendall took one of his hands off of Logan' shoulders and brought it towards his friend's face, snapping his fingers. Logan jumped and shook his head.

"Snap out of it, dude. You're kinda freaking us out over here. Are you sure you're okay?" Kendall continued.

Kendall's method worked as Logan realized what was going on around him. "Oh hey, Kendall. Carlos."

"Would you care to explain why you were completely spaced out just now?" Kendall asked, keeping his eyebrow raised.

"It's nothing. I was just…thinking." Logan managed to reply.

Kendall shook his head at his friend's response and looked in Carlos's direction. Carlos shrugged his shoulders. Something was up with Logan, both Kendall and Carlos knew it, but from the look on Logan's face, they decided it wasn't the right time to raise questions.

"Well you need to stop thinking because tonight we are going to see the premiere of the Rise of the Hollywood premiere of the _Rise of the Planet of the Apes_. I hear it was a killer movie." Carlos stated with a firm index finger high in the air.

"Plus, it gives us four guys to hang out. Just the four of us," Kendall dug into his pockets until he pulled out four exclusive tickets to the movie Carlos had said and added, "because we haven't done that in a long time."

Kendall and Carlos found Logan staring into space again. Kendall raised both eyebrows, this time, until they were hidden in his blonde bangs. The edge of Carlos's lip found its way down into a frown. They looked at each other, nodded their heads at each other and yelled, "Logan!"

Logan was taken aback at the sound of both his friends screaming in front of his face and filling the entire apartment with the sound of his name. "What? Yeah, _Rise of the Planet of the Apes_. Gotcha."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Carlos questioned.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" At this point, Logan had realized that if he did not stop acting aloof, Kendall and Carlos would likely start interrogating him until they find out the reason behind his weird behavior.

"Well, whatever it is, just come talk to us." Kendall added.

"There's nothing to tell. Listen I gotta go, umm do…homework! That's right, homework!"

Logan found himself staring at two separate poker faces.

"It's the middle of summer, Logan." Kendall said.

"We don't have homework." Carlos supplemented.

Logan held his head back and stared at both of them with wide eyes. He had to think of something to get him out of there and quick. He then averted his gaze towards the door, thinking how fast he could run there. However, the knob started to turn, and in come Mama Knight and Katie, both with disappointed looks on their faces. Katie and Mama Knight had come back from another attempt at creating new friends around the Palm Woods. Tyler and her mother were still friends with them, but Bitters had challenged them to find a different mother and child duo to become friends with. Their saddened looks were enough to say that they were unsuccessful in their hunt, and decided to call it a day. However, when they were met by Kendall and Carlos about ready to pounce on a very aghast-looking Logan, Mama Knight and Katie couldn't help but share bewildered looks on their faces.

"Boys, what's going on?" Mama Knight asked.

"Nothing!" The three said in unison.

Mama Knight looked to Katie to see if she could decipher what the boys were hiding. When Katie shrugged her shoulders, Mama Knight sighed, and decided to let it go.

Kendall, Carlos, and Logan eased up from their current positions, knowing that Mama Knight was not going to question anymore. Logan was more relieved than the other two, as Mama Knight and Katie became perfect scapegoats from his dilemma with Kendall and Carlos.

"Oh yeah, Mom," Kendall said, breaking the silence, "Me and the guys are gonna watch the premiere of that new apes movie. Since you're here, can you drive us there?"

"The guys and I, Kendall." Carlos said.

Everyone else in the room looked at Carlos with shocked looks on their faces. Carlos actually corrected someone else's grammatical error.

"Yeah, that's right, I know my stuff." Carlos gave a wide grin, and gave two taps to his helmet.

"Anyway, so can you mom?" Kendall asked once again.

"Sure sweetie."

"Alright! Thanks. Carlos, can you go tell James?"

"Sure thing. Uh, Logan, do you know where James is?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Logan replied with a tone that sounded a tad angry. He didn't mean to snap, but upon hearing James's name caused Logan to jump a bit.

Carlos was taken aback from his friend's response, and raised his hands up in the process. "Just asking, dude. No need to get mad."

Logan managed to let out a sorry before he left everyone in the living room and made his way upstairs to his and Kendall's shared room to find a fresh pair of clothes to change into. He told himself that he needed to forget about his incident with James before he accidentally gives it away. Logan thought to himself as he pulled on the handle of his dresser, _but how will I be able to forget about that…?_ Logan felt his cheeks heat up as he replayed the scene in his head. He shook his head quite vigorously and retrieved a simple black v-neck and his favorite black and white stripped cardigan, as well as a fresh pair of drawers. He made his way to the bathroom to take a shower, with high hopes of clearing his head.

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><p>Logan's hopes were shot down while the four of them were watching the movie. Somewhere in the process of choosing seats in the theater, Logan ended up sitting next to James. Kendall was on his right while Carlos sat to the left, next to James. Logan found it hard to focus on the movie, especially due to the fact that it was James right next to him. The guy who he shared a short but intimate moment with earlier on in the day. Logan tried hard not to look in James's direction, but every time he did, he noticed James looked very composed, calmly watching the movie. Logan looked away instantly every time he found himself just staring at James. He continuously squirmed in his seat, and when the two-hour long movie ended, all Logan remembered was seeing James Franco, John Lithgow, and Tom Felton in the movie. And monkeys, a bunch of them.<p>

"That was one of the best movies I've ever seen!" Carlos exclaimed while jumping up and down as they exited the theaters.

"Hands down," James complied.

"Definitely, and the acting was incredible!" Kendall added.

"Yeah," Logan managed to let out. He couldn't really match the enthusiasm felt by his three friends, since he was distracted for the entirety of the movie. And now, all Logan wanted to do was head home and rest.

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><p>Logan stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. His eyes felt heavy, but his brain refused to let him sleep as it continuously made him think about what happened between him and James. Logan adjusted his body so he now lay on his side. He glanced at his clock and saw that it read 3:52 AM. He silently cursed to himself, hating the fact that the incident impeded his sleep. On the other side of the room, Kendall was giving a pretty loud snore, but it was the least of Logan's problems. He was able to sleep through Kendall's snoring most of the time anyway. With a grunt, Logan pulled his covers off of himself and headed out the bedroom door. He decided that maybe some warm milk will help him get some of that precious shut-eye. When he exited his and Kendall's room however, he saw a light emanating from the kitchen. Logan quickly made his down the swirly slide and walked towards the kitchen, only to find James heating something in the microwave. Logan stopped at his tracks, unsure if talking to James right now would be a good idea. Somehow, James heard Logan's footsteps, as he turned around and faced his friend, surprising Logan in the process.<p>

"Hey," James gave Logan a classic head-bob greeting, and turned away to watch the microwave once more.

"Hey, you can't sleep either?"

"No, not really," said James, back still turned to Logan.

Logan analyzed the situation he was currently in. Since he and James were technically alone, he figured now might be the right time to ask him about earlier. He wasn't worried about Kendall and Carlos waking up, mostly because they could sleep through a tornado; Mama Knight and Katie on the other hand, started sleeping with headphones on. Logan gave out a faint sigh as he tried to gain composure and gulped before managing to ask, "Do you want to talk?"

"Talk about what?"

"About…earlier. Well technically, yesterday afternoon."

Three beeps went off, and the light from the microwave disappeared. Logan was expecting James to retrieve what he presumed as milk that he heated inside the microwave; instead, James turned around with a stern look on his face. Logan could feel the tension that circulated in the kitchen. He shuddered as he felt goose bumps forming on his arm.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"But James, we…kissed."

"Listen," James took a step forward towards Logan with an irate tone and a tensed face, enough for Logan to take a step backwards out of intimidation, "nothing happened, okay?" James held out his index finger towards Logan.

Logan gulped and gave a faint okay while nodding his head. James relaxed his face and headed out of the kitchen, proceeded to go upstairs to his and Carlos's room, completely forgetting and leaving behind his mug of warm milk in the microwave and a distraught Logan. Logan stood in place the whole time James made his exit. It took him until James slammed his bedroom door before Logan was able to move. The apartment was now drowned in silence. Logan was shaken and honestly, a little depressed about everything that just took place.

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><p><strong>Whew, Chapter 2 is finished! Please give a review! And some suggestions as well! I'm still debating if I can squeeze in Kenlos somewhere in this story. At this point, it is still possible. Chapter 3 might take a little longer than you guys might like, but I am trying to get to it as soon as possible. Thanks again for reading and once again, please review! Much obliged :)<strong>


	3. Did You Like It?

**A/N: Hi everyone! I know I said I wouldn't have Chapter 3 ready in quite awhile, but in the middle of reading my summer homework, I got my creative juices flowing and I could not resist from putting my thoughts down on paper, and it led to this. I am so ashamed because all this took three hours away from the time I needed to complete all my work. But the good news is, A NEW CHAPTER :D and it is in fact the longest chapter by far. Sorry for the inconsistency in the lengths of the chapters, that's just how it happened.**

**Anyway, thanks to all who gave such great reviews! I forgot to do this in Chapter 2, so here it is. A shout out to all that reviewed the story!**

**Bowman0306, Sastiel, mrsscarlettpena, Jazckson, MissMaslowHenderson, nilegirl, Logan Henderson Is Mine, BigTimeSweetheart, TheClaire24, CheekyBrunette, MerielTLA, PrincessUnperfect, TerraAustralis, Gabsikle**

**Thank you all!**

**Oh and I reread Chapters 1 and 2 and saw grammar errors and typos! I am so sorry about those. I took the time to proofread Chapter 3 this time. Hopefully, I didn't miss anything. But some of the errors I found I know I didn't make. Somehow, it changes when I upload it to the Doc Manager. Once again, sorry for those, and I don't know if I can fix it.**

**A heads up for Chapter 3, mostly contains Logan's thoughts and tons of Kogan ****friendship****. I underlined friendship to let everyone know this is not turning into a Kogan fic. Plus, I decided that I shall make have Kenlos by the end as well. To Chapter 3!**

**(lol, jk one more thing.) Disclaimer: I still do not own Big Time Rush.**

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><p>"Wake up, Logan!" Kendall shouted at the edge of Logan's bed. Logan grunted and swatted his arm in the air, signaling Kendall to leave him be. But Kendall was persistent, and continued his Logan alarm service. "Wake up, Logan!" Kendall shouted once more, at a slightly higher decibel.<p>

"I'm up," Logan groaned.

"Logan, come on. It's one in the afternoon"

"What?"

"I said it's one in the afternoon. You better get up."

Logan was in disbelief and agitated when he heard the time of day escape from Kendall's lips. He grew even more annoyed with the unusually bright light coming from the windows. Logan reluctantly took of his blanket and sat at the edge of his bed. He stayed in this position for awhile, thinking and reminiscing of all the events that had occurred in the past twenty-four hours, oblivious to Kendall being a couple of feet away from him.

"Yo, are you sure you're awake?"

"Hmm? Yea I'm awake. Just couldn't sleep right away last night. Why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

"Well, we don't really have plans today yet, so I figured I'd let you sleep in."

"Thanks, Kendall."

"No problem buddy! Now get your bum out of your bed and let's make this day somewhat productive."

"Um, alright." Logan did as he was told. He still felt tired, but he was not one to lie down in bed all day and not get a single task done. "I think I'll take a shower first, though."

"Fine by me. Oh, by the way, Carlos and James made plans to go shopping at the mall. They said you wouldn't be interested anyway so, they told me to just tell you."

Logan cringed upon hearing James's name. He paused, unsure of what to say. He then realized the absurdity of Kendall's statement. "They went shopping?" Logan asked with a slightly confused tone.

"Yeah, well mostly James wanted to. Carlos, not so much."

_Figures, James is trying to avoid me,_ Logan thought to himself. He was saddened by the idea, mostly because he felt mostly at fault. _I shouldn't have kept on asking._

"Uhh, Loges? You're doing it again…Logan…"

"Hmm? What?"

"You're spacing out again! And it's really freaking me out. Is there something you want to talk about?"

"No, I'm fine. Seriously. Don't worry about me." _I really need to stop doing that before everybody starts getting really suspicious. Oh shoot, Kendall's giving me a skeptical look again. _Logan gave Kendall two thumbs up and a humble smile as a means of fooling him into thinking Logan was really okay. Surprisingly it worked, as Kendall sighed and left the room. Logan's smile turned back into a slight frown when Kendall had completely exited. Logan then gave a mighty sigh as well as he made his way to his dresser and retrieved clothes that he planned on wearing on that day. He headed towards the bathroom with no enthusiasm, which can be determined from the way he dragged his feet across the hard wooden floor.

Logan entered the bathroom and lazily stripped himself out of every article of clothing he had on. He opened the glass door and stepped inside the bathtub, his demeanor unchanged. He turned the knob for the shower and let out a relaxed sigh as the cold stream of water hit his body. Logan took this soothing time to analyze, once more, how to go about in getting James to talk to him again without any feeling of unease or a bitter finish. His thoughts jumped from one idea to the next. A cloud of maybe's and what if's enveloped his natural train of thought. _Maybe I can ask him to hang out sometime. Or play hockey. What if he doesn't even want to talk to me anymore? He obviously made plans with Carlos so he can avoid talking to me today. Maybe I can try tomorrow? But what if he already made plans? I bet he already made plans. Maybe I can try teaching him how to drive? That's how this whole mess started anyways. But he probably would want Mrs. Knight to teach him now. I can't take this anymore. I could try getting Kendall or Carlos to have him talk to me. But that will surely raise questions. So how on earth am I supposed to get him to talk to me? Does he even want to talk to me anymore? Does he hate me?_

Logan paused. He shivered and he felt his chest tighten at the thought of James hating him. He even felt his eyes start to water. Logan struggled for a while to gain his composure. He went back to thinking in chains of what if's and maybe's until he reached a possible solution to his problem. _Act like it never happened._ It was perfect. By thinking that the kiss never took place, Logan might be able to forget about it entirely. Moreover, it was what James wanted in the first place. Logan assured himself that his plan is, indeed, for the best. With that, he turned the knob of the shower until the steady stream of cold water disappeared.

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><p>"Hey buddy," Kendall greeted Logan with a wide smile as he saw his friend exit the swirly side and made his way towards the kitchen.<p>

"Why so happy, Kendall?" Logan questioned with an eyebrow raised.

"Why wouldn't I be? I just got us dinner dates to that knew Italian restaurant that just opened two blocks from here." Kendall smirked and pointed to his phone.

"_You_ got us dates?" Logan was a bit dubious to say the least of Kendall's plans. He knew that Kendall was not completely over his break-up with Jo, and the fact that Kendall set up the date by himself completely baffled him.

"Yeah, of course! Well, not really. Carlos helped me somewhat."

"Somewhat meaning…?"

"Okay fine. He gave me this girl's number who said she was interested in me and that I would like. So I called her while you were in the shower and she said she was interested but she was only allowed to go if she brought a friend with her and her friend said she would only go if she had a date for herself," Kendall caught his breath before he continued with another sentence, "Dang, that was a mouthful."

Logan grinned before he burst in laughter. Kendall can be real silly at times, but he was glad that Kendall made some progress in getting over Jo by taking Carlos up on his offer. Kendall's eyebrows inched closer to each other as he gave Logan a frown for laughing at him. When Logan would not stop laughing, Kendall joined him and laughed.

"Anyways," Kendall started while wiping off a tear that had formed in his eye due to a great amount of laughter, "they said they will meet us there at around seven o' clock tonight. So be ready. Oh, and look sharp. The place is pretty fancy, you know."

"When have I not looked sharp?" Logan grinned.

"Get over yourself." Kendall said from a sarcastic laugh to a straight face.

Inside Logan's head, he thought this was the perfect opportunity to put his plan into action. He was thinking he would meet a nice girl, make pleasant conversation with her, and overall have a good time with her. He even hoped that by the end of the day, he would get her number and ask her out again. Logan continued to fill his head with such expectations, but the thought of James and everything that came with him still lingered in the back of his head.

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><p>Logan stared intently at his plate of spaghetti, trying to avoid eye contact with his date, and thus creating an awkward silence at their table. It was not because his date was a pain the eyes; actually, she was really gorgeous. She had curled blonde hair that draped down on one shoulder; she wore an extravagant turquoise necklace with matching earrings, which also accommodated her eyes, which were a calm blue. Lastly, she wore an elegant navy cocktail dress that fit her body perfectly. She seemed like a girl who would be Kendall's date, considering Jo was comparable to her. Actually, she <em>was<em> Kendall's date. That is where the whole absurdity of the evening began. When Logan and Kendall arrived at the restaurant and saw their dates, Kendall, instead of approaching the blonde girl who Logan was currently with, approached the blonde girl's friend who agreed to do a double date with her. The blonde girl's friend was short in stature, about several inches shorter than Logan. She had dark brown hair that seemed black under the lighting of the restaurant, and eyes of a chocolate color. She was dressed in a black cocktail dress that fit her perfectly as well. Logan was confused with Kendall's action of going for the smaller girl with dark hair, and still contemplated about it when they went into separate tables.

Logan and his date tried small talk with each other as they browsed through their menus. By the time their dishes were served to them, they had run out of topics to talk about, and found out they had absolutely nothing in common. Logan talked about playing hockey; she cringed at the thought of touching a hockey stick. Logan admitted of being quite a nerd when it came to academics; she said that school was the least of her problems. He asked what she wanted to be when she finished high school and college; she naturally said actress, but if that fails for her, she would work somewhere in the cosmetics industry. Logan was not too enthralled upon hearing cosmetics, due to the fact that James's face found its way in his head again.

As he was eating his spaghetti, Logan looked to his left to catch a glimpse of Kendall and his date. Kendall was laughing quite heavily, while his date looked a little uncomfortable in her seat as she forced out a laugh. Logan assumed that Kendall made a joke that would be funny if he was with the guys, but not so much with the ladies.

Once Logan and his date finished their respective meals, Logan could not have asked for the check fast enough. His date did not seem to mind either, as they replied "No!" in unison when the waiter asked if they would like some dessert. When Logan and the blond girl, whose name he could not even recall, exited the restaurant, they gave a quick hug goodbye and she walked off quickly, grabbing the phone she had in her purse and texting unusually quick. Logan guessed she was texting her friend, who was still inside the restaurant with Kendall, and was telling her to leave as well.

Logan had guessed right, because in about ten or so minutes, Kendall exited the restaurant with his date, gave her a hug goodbye, and she stormed off.

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><p>"Well that could have gone better." Kendall opened the door to apartment 2J, where he was met with darkness. He ran his hand through the wall to find a light switch and flipped it on. Logan entered soon after with continuous head nods.<p>

Kendall loosened his tie and made his way to the kitchen, where he was met with a piece of orange paper neatly folded in half with the names Kendall and Logan printed on top of it.

"Looks like we got a note," Kendall said.

"Yeah? What does it say?"

Kendall took the piece of paper and opened it to see a short message written inside it. "It says, dear Logan and Kendall, James and I caught up with Mama Knight and Katie and decided to go bowling for the evening. Have fun with your dates, winky face. Love you guys, Carlos."

"Winky face?"

"Yeah, see look." Kendall showed Logan the orange note Carlos had left them, and there was in fact a poorly drawn smiley face with one of its eyes shut in the form of a wink.

"I guess we have the apartment to ourselves, buddy." Kendall stated.

"I guess we do. So how was your date?" Logan had been curious all night of how Kendall's date went. He actually had a couple of questions he wanted Kendall to answer at the moment.

"Well, like I said, it could have gone better. She couldn't get out of there fast enough when she saw you two leaving! I'm guessing yours didn't go any better?"

Logan shook his head. "Worse, actually. We both ate our meals without exchanging a single word to each other. I'd say that one was probably one of the worst dates I've had ever."

"Well it couldn't have been that bad. I mean, your date was really pretty."

"We had nothing in common! Plus, she wasn't even my date." Logan took a seat on the edge of the orange sofa and began to remove his dress shoes.

"What?"

"Don't play coy with me Kendall. You and I both know that the blonde girl was your date. She even told me so. What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened? Nothing happened. I guess I was just interested in the other girl a bit more."

"Sure looked like it. Well hope you had fun, because I certainly didn't."

"Well did you at least learn something about her?" Kendall tried staying optimistic.

"Sure. She despises hockey. She could care less about school. She wants to be an actress, if not, a cosmetics person."

"Hah, that last part sounds a lot like James."

Logan cringed again at the name and looked down on the floor. Kendall caught Logan's change in facial expression and body language. Now that he was alone with Logan, he figured it was time for them to talk about Logan's weird actions today and the yesterday.

"You did it again!"

"I did what exactly?" Logan looked up at Kendall and tried to pull off an innocent look. However, this time, it failed.

"When I said James, you tensed up. Is something going on between you two or something? Did you guys get in a fight?" Kendall's tone turned to slightly angry, slightly worried, and all worried.

"No we didn't. Nothing is going on." Logan's heart rate started to rise and the tension in the room started to build up from the playful atmosphere it had not too long ago.

"Logan, tell me now or I am going to James about this," Kendall said sternly. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and flipped it open, gesturing to Logan that he would call James then and there and ask him.

"No, don't!" Logan shouted and held out a hand in the air, as if to reach for Kendall's phone.

"So there is something! Logan you better tell me now. C'mon, we're like brothers, we never keep stuff involving our best friends from each other."

Logan retracted his hand back to his lap and stared onto the floor once more. His heart rate was still at a high, and he found himself at a loss for words. Logan was now fumbling with his fingers and trembling greatly. Kendall saw the condition his friend was in, and decided to take a seat next to him. He placed a hand on Logan's back, as a means to console him. "Please, Logan? Tell me, please? I can help you with this. Whatever this is."

"He told me not to talk about it ever again." Logan said in a whimper. At this point, he knew his plan of acting like the kiss never happened had turned into a complete failure.

Kendall became outraged and hoisted himself off of the couch in a hasty manner. "What did James do? Did he beat you up? Did he threaten you?"

"No, he didn't…" Logan's voice was shaking. He felt like crying.

"Then what did he do?" Kendall demanded, his voice echoing throughout the empty apartment.

"We kissed." Logan finally let out. His eyes widened when he realized what he just said.

"You…what?" Kendall asked, baffled.

Logan gulped. "James and I…kissed. When you and Carlos went out for the day to find you a girl, he asked me to give him driving lessons. Somehow, we got tangled up in a mess fighting for the keys to our car, and we fell to the floor. Next thing I knew, we were staring into each other's eyes and were leaning in towards each other, and then we…kissed." Logan avoided eye contact with Kendall now, afraid of what he would say. The silence that Logan had one too many encounters with within the past two days presented itself once more. Logan was expecting Kendall to storm off, much like James did. What Kendall asked next completely threw Logan off guard.

"Did you like it?"

"W-w-what?" Logan asked in disbelief that Kendall did not sound angry or bothered.

"I said, did you like it?" Kendall sighed and took a seat next to Logan on the orange couch once more.

"I, uh…don't know. I never really thought about if I liked it or not," Logan started to grow a bit calmer now. "I…guess I did. I mean, it certainly felt different. Maybe it was because I was kissing another guy, but somehow it felt nice and…" Logan stopped as he caught Kendall give a grin. "What?"

"So are you…gay? Or curious, at least? Or is it just James?"

Logan felt his cheeks flare and returned to avoiding Kendall's stare. "I'm not entirely sure. It might be just James, or maybe I am…ga-, I don't know Kendall." Logan started shaking his head side to side.

"You know what, don't sweat it. With time, you'll know. If days go by and you're still thinking about James that way, you'll find out."

Logan looked at his friend who had on a wide smile. Logan smiled in return, and decided to give Kendall a hug. Kendall was slightly surprised at Logan wrapping his arms around him, but he returned the hug with a smile. They broke away and Kendall got up from the couch. He took a few steps towards the kitchen before Logan talked in the background, "Hey, Kendall?"

Kendall turned around and smiled, "Yeah?"

"Thanks for, you know, being cool with all this."

"No problem, buddy!"

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><p><strong>Yee buddy! Chapter 3 is done! It's pretty long, I know. As for Chapter 4, I will definitely get to it this weekend. So probably no update until then or even later. *me cries* Please, still leave any comments or suggestions – they are all appreciated. Oh and any tumblr users (especially Jagan and Kenlos fans of course), kindly visitfollow my tumblr. The web address for it is found on my profile... I think. I'm still figuring that stuff out. I know I haven't posted anything but one, but I will soon. Thanks again everyone!**


	4. The Pain in My Chest

**A/N: Hey everyone! I would just like to inform you that school started for me last Thursday. (I know, weird right?) I successfully finished all my work for the summer the day before despite taking the time to write Chapter 3 last Tuesday. Hooray for me!**

**I decided to change it up a bit for Chapter 4, and had different people's point of view instead of just Logan's. But some of it is still Logan's POV. Oh, and I have noticed my writing is becoming a little redundant, especially with the words I choose, but bear with me, please!**

**Thanks again for the wonderful people that continue writing reviews for this story! I check for them daily through my phone and each one I read just makes each day so much better!**

**Just a heads up for Chapter 4, Camille will be there, but I didn't make her evil or anything. You might even like her by the end of that section ;P Plus, I've added an OC, but she won't be staying for awhile, as you shall see in the next chapter…I think. Anyway, enjoy Chapter 4!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

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><p>After Logan confided with Kendall about his possible feelings for James, Logan went straight to bed, finding himself drained of energy. He bid goodnight to Kendall with a delightful tone, thankful for having been graced with an understanding friend. Kendall stayed downstairs, drowned in thoughts of his own. Actually, he was drowned in thoughts of the situation between Logan and James. He never would have expected anything that Logan had said that night, especially since Logan's romantic encounter was with James, the self-proclaimed ladies' man out of the four band members. He drew out a heavy sigh, flopped onto the orange couch, and stared into the ceiling, unsure of what to do with the new information Logan had presented.<p>

He had calmly told Logan to give his uncertainty a couple more days before deciding upon whether or not Logan had genuine feelings for James. In truth, Kendall was a little apprehensive of what Logan could possibly decide. If Logan actually does like James in that manner, and decides to confront James about it, judging from the way James has been acting after one innocent kiss, who knows how he'll react to such a confession. If Logan realizes that what had occurred between him and James was purely accidental, and he has no feelings for James, whatsoever, it doesn't completely erase the damage already done between the friendships of the two boys. Then Kendall started to wonder what could possibly be going on in James's head. At this point, Kendall was a little frustrated at James, mostly because he saw what effect James's ignoring Logan had on his best friend. But then again, James never took the time to explain his side of the story, so it was difficult for Kendall to be completely angry at James.

After about another half hour of contemplation on the bright orange couch, Kendall's thoughts started to become hazy. His eyelids had grown heavy, and before he knew it, he fell right asleep, his head still titled upwards, towards the ceiling.

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><p>Logan lay on his side and watched the square window of the bedroom, noticing a slight breeze had picked up as a tree outside continuously tapped the glass with its branches. He told Kendall goodnight over an hour ago, and he really did feel exhausted, but there he was, lying on his bed, sleep unable to capture him. He couldn't describe how he was feeling exactly. He felt hurt, disappointed, worried, and a plethora of others.<p>

He thought deeply of Kendall's advice, and decided it was the best thing to do, given his current situation. In all honesty, Logan was a little bit nervous, because his decision would mean exploring feelings he never thought he would have for his friend. He shook his head vigorously and closed his eyes, yearning for sleep, but to no avail. He opened his eyes again and saw his clock read 10:43 PM. It was not too late in the evening, but Logan just wanted to free himself of his thoughts about James and regarded sleep as his best option to do so. About a minute or so later, Logan felt his eyelids drooping and he gave a faint yawn.

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><p>"Boys, I cannot believe you tricked me into playing bowling this late. It's past eleven, which means it's way past Katie's bedtime. It's even past my bedtime!" Mrs. Knight said in a stage whisper as she entered apartment 2J. Carlos entered soon after, followed by James who held a slumbering Katie in his arms.<p>

"Mama Knight, no harm done. We all had fun didn't we?" Carlos commented with a smile.

Mrs. Knight stared daggers at Carlos and James, who both took a step back in fear. She never should have told the boys that bowling was her weakness, and sometimes she would get carried away at the alley, especially if she was losing. Tonight was one of those times. Carlos held a surprising lead over Mrs. Knight, mostly due to luck. This resulted in Mrs. Knight wanting to play more games until her cumulative score went over Carlos's. When she checked the time, it was half past ten and Katie had already fallen asleep.

The intensity of Mrs. Knight's glare was broken with the sound of a snore coming from the living room. When James, Carlos, and Mrs. Knight averted their gazes from each other towards the couch, they found a passed out Kendall. Carlos grinned and made his way towards his friend. He took a spot behind the couch and lowered his face until it was several inches from Kendall's. He started saying Kendall's name in an oscillating melody.

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall…" Carlos continued.

Kendall groaned as he heard his name over and over again. He opened his eyes slowly, only to be met with a pair of chocolate eyes and a wide, white smile. Kendall's eyes widened and he let out a high pitched scream, matching the sound of a girl's. He jumped out of the orange couch, eyes still wide, and cheeks flaring. Thankfully, under the light no one noticed Kendall was blushing at the moment.

"Kendall, be quiet!" Mrs. Knight whispered.

Kendall turned to his mother's direction. He saw James carrying Katie, who was still in a deep sleep. Kendall mouthed the word sorry and Mrs. Knight simply rolled her eyes.

"James, please put Katie in her bed. I'm going to change, brush my teeth and head to sleep too. You boys better do the same."

James huffed and made heavy strides on his way to Katie's room. Mrs. Knight took off for the bathroom and locked the door. Kendall heard Carlos snickering and turned his head towards the Latino.

"What are you laughing at?"

"The way you screamed like a girl and jumped, duh. It was pretty funny."

Staring daggers must run in the Knight family, because Kendall was staring his share at Carlos. Only this time, Carlos was not paying attention and continued laughing. Kendall shook his head and continued to glare. His blush had faded, as he had hoped, as Carlos continued to double over in laughter. Kendall threw his arms into the air, admitting defeat and made his way towards the swirly slide to get upstairs. He wore a frown and made sure Carlos saw it. Carlos tried to hold his laughter to apologize, but he was still snickering as he said his sorry. "Oh, c'mon Kendall! I was just kidding!" With that, he followed Kendall up the swirly slide and the sounds of their voices faded.

James witnessed the entire interaction between Kendall and Carlos. He never realized that the two of them had gotten much closer than before. He could not say the same for him and Logan however, as he knew they were drifting apart. _It's not my fault_, he said in his head. He felt a sharp pain in his chest all of a sudden. He has actually been feeling this sharp pain for over twenty-four hours now, and each one hurt as much as the one before. James shrugged as he tried to shake it off. It worked, but it had effectively left James slightly worried for the rest of the night.

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><p>James woke up late the next day. He surveyed his surroundings, noticing that Carlos was no longer in bed, and figured it was time to get up as well. When he took a look at his clock, it said 11:27 AM, and James's eyes widened in surprise that he managed to sleep until then. When he walked out his and Carlos's shared bedroom, he was met with a quiet apartment. <em>I guess everyone left. I didn't even know they had plans today, <em>James thought to himself.

James decided to give Carlos a call to check where everyone had gone. He walked back into his room and retrieved his phone from the bedside table. He flipped it open and punched in the numbers to Carlos's phone.

"Hello?" The background on the other side of the call was a little loud, much to James disliking. It seemed like Carlos was with a crowd of people. He even thought he heard a monkey screaming from a distance.

"Hey Carlos, it's James."

"Oh hey, James!"

"Where are you right now? Why is it so loud?"

"What? Oh, we're at the zoo!"

"The zoo? Who's with you right now?"

"It's just me, Kendall, Katie, and Mama Knight. Hey, James is on the other line. Say hi to James, guys!"

Three separate voices all shouted a "hey James" before Carlos started talking once again. "So yeah, I tried to wake you up at nine but dude you were passed out so I stopped trying."

"Wait, Logan isn't with you guys?"

"Um, no. We asked him if he wanted to go, but he said he made some plans with Camille I think."

"With Camille?" James asked with a skeptical voice.

"Yeah. Hey look guys flamingos! I'm going to talk to you later James! Someone take some pictures of me with these birds!" Carlos started shouting excitedly.

"Alright, I'll talk to you later." By this point, Carlos was no longer paying attention to what James was saying over the phone. James ended the call and sighed heavily. His thoughts landed on Logan, and he was still confused over the fact that Logan decided to make plans with Camille. The sharp pain in his chest he felt last night suddenly returned. He clutched his hands on his left pectoral and started to breathe heavy. The pain disappeared within a few seconds, but James was still frightened. _What is happening to me? _He thought to himself.

After a few minutes of pondering, James headed towards the shower and got ready to leave. He decided he would go for a walk today, no destination necessary.

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><p>"Wow, that's…unbelievable." Camille stated before taking another sip of her water.<p>

"Please, don't be mad." Logan stared at his feet. His voice was shaken, and he had the urge to cry.

"Logan," Camille's said sincerely, "I'm not mad."

Logan looked in her direction, shocked at what he just heard. "You're not?"

Camille smiled, "Look, I may be your ex-girlfriend, but mind you, I am also one of your best friends. I know we had our history, but that doesn't mean we're tied down to each other. Plus, I'm dating Steve, and he's a great guy."

Logan was astounded to say the least. He always thought that he had an on-again off-again relationship with Camille, and at some point in time, Camille would leave Steve and be on-again with Logan. He also thought that telling Camille about him and James might be a huge mistake, but it turned out better than he had ever expected.

"So, are you in love with him?" Logan was caught off guard. He started to blush, and upon his reaction, Camille could not help but give a wider smile. "Oh my gosh… You are in love with him! Logan, that's fantastic!" Camille squealed.

"Shh! I honestly…don't know yet. Kendall told me to give it a bit more time before I jump to any conclusions." Logan started to play with his fingers and stared at his feet again. _Did I love James?_ Logan felt as if he was not quite ready to answer that question just yet.

"Do you think he likes you back?" Logan gulped. He became a little frustrated with the difficult questions Camille was giving him at the moment, but he knew she was just trying to help him figure things out.

"I…don't think so. He's made it pretty clear over the past two days that he isn't interested in me…that way."

"Did he actually tell you that?"

"Well…no."

"Then there's still hope!"

"But he's been avoiding me all this time, and that one time I decided to talk to him about it," Logan paused, "he claimed the kiss never happened, and we've left it at that." Logan's voice slackened as he reminisced that night and became saddened.

"Maybe he's just confused as you are. Or maybe, he's scared to admit that he actually likes you because it's different, and he doesn't want other people judging him. Trust me, I know this stuff."

Logan was in disbelief from what he was hearing from Camille. "How exactly do you know all this?"

"I have an uncle who came out like a few years ago. He never had the courage to do so, and he's lost the one person he said he fell in love with because of that late decision." Camille turned to face Logan and held one of his hands in both of hers. "Don't be like my uncle Logan. Don't be scared to admit who you are or who you love. If you don't find the courage now, you might regret it later. And by that time, it will be too late."

Logan saw sincerity in Camille's eyes and he couldn't help but give a warm smile. He took his hand off of her grasp and in turn scooted in closer to her to give her a pleasant hug. Camille closed her eyes and hugged Logan back. "Thank you, Camille."

"You're welcome." She broke off the hug, but held Logan steady by placing her hands on his shoulders. "And remember, if you and James do get together and he hurts you, just tell me. I'll deal with him," Camille stated with a grin.

Logan couldn't help but smile even wider. "And if Steve hurts you, _I'll_ go deal with him."

"Oh, please! He's afraid of losing me."

"Well, it's cause you're a great catch."

"Exactly."

Logan and Camille shared a laugh. When their laughter ended, they turned and faced the park and watched people casually strolling by. Camille tilted her head and rested it on Logan's shoulder. Then they just sat there on the park bench, in a comfortable silence.

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><p>When James made his way to the Palm Woods Park, he saw Logan and Camille sharing an embrace. When they broke off their hug, James bolted for the nearest tree and decided to hide there. He peeked from his hiding spot a good few seconds later, and saw that Logan and Camille had faced each other. Thankfully, neither of them saw him, as they seemed to be deep in conversation. Their voices to James were inaudible, only hearing murmurs for their words then finally sharing a laugh together. The laughing ceded, and Camille and Logan turned to face the rest of the park. James saw Camille laid her head on Logan's shoulder, and in an instant, he felt his chest tighten again. He turned away from watching Logan and Camille, and was now hidden completely behind the tree. He breathed heavily, but quiet enough so Logan and Camille were unable to hear him. His heart was beating quite erratically, and James knew he had to get out of there. He made a run for it and headed back towards the Palm Woods, thoughts in disarray and unsure of what to do.<p>

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><p>Logan decided to hang out with Camille for the rest of the afternoon. They had a heartwarming lunch together at a nearby submarine sandwich shop, and walked around the streets of Hollywood after. Logan felt very pleased with his relationship with Camille now, after admitting everything that has been going on with him lately. Just like with Kendall, Logan felt very lucky to have such a compassionate and open-minded friend like Camille.<p>

He and Camille went their separate ways at around five in the afternoon, sharing a final hug before Logan left for the apartment. He was deep in thought once again, taking into account everything that everyone has said to him and everything that has happened thus far. When he arrived at apartment 2J, the place was completely empty. Logan shrugged his shoulders but figured this time alone in the apartment would not be too bad. Logan made his way towards the living room. _How about some TV? _he considered, but shook his head and turned around to the swirly slide. He decided he would just stay in his room, maybe to read a medical book or two.

An hour passed, and boredom took over Logan. It wasn't that his medical book was not engaging; he just knew almost all the information the book provided already, granted that he has already read the book once. It wasn't before long that Logan heard the door of the apartment open and familiar voices started talking. He sprung off his desk chair and walked out into the hallway.

"Wow, I never thought I'd have that much fun at a zoo before," Kendall exclaimed as he entered the apartment. He wore a monkey hat on, which Carlos had bought for him.

"That's because you never went to the zoo with me." Carlos followed soon after with a wide grin.

Kendall contemplated on Carlos's statement with a confused face. He realized Carlos was right. He's never been to the zoo with Carlos before. The same holds true with James, but Kendall still felt a bit mad with him at the moment.

"Well at least you two had fun," Katie groaned as she walked in as well. Katie didn't necessarily hate animals; in fact, she adored them. But after helping Mr. Bitters faking being a veterinarian for his mother, she wasn't ready to see a bunch of them any time soon.

"Lighten up, Katie," Kendall said.

"Hey, you guys are home." Logan shouted from the upstairs hallway then made his way down the swirly slide.

"Oh hey, Lo-gain," Kendall said as he tried a gangster voice. Logan gave Kendall an awkward look and shrugged. Kendall tried to play it cool by keeping a stern look on his phase, but it looked silly considering a monkey was atop his blonde hair. Carlos and Katie smirked in the background.

"You boys hungry?" Mrs. Knight finally came into the apartment with three full bags of take-out boxes from a nearby Chinese restaurant in her hands. Kendall walked towards her mother and took the bags from her. "Thank you sweetie," Mrs. Knight told her son.

"Aww, Kendall. Such a mama's boy." Carlos commented.

The daggers Kendall uses to glare people with were employed once more, and on the same target as the previous night. Carlos was still unfazed, and simply stuck his tongue out at Kendall.

"Boys, stop acting silly and help me get this dinner ready," Mrs. Knight commanded. Carlos and Logan headed towards the kitchen and they each grabbed a bag from Kendall. "Can someone get James to come and help too?"

"Where is James anyway?" Carlos asked and looked to Logan.

"What are you looking at me for? I don't know. He wasn't home when I got here so…" Logan stated as he rummaged through the plastic bag and took out its contents.

As luck would have it, James entered the apartment shortly after. He had on a smile as he greeted everyone that he encountered as he came in.

"Hey, someone looks happy." Carlos exclaimed.

Logan noticed this as well, and he couldn't help but smile too. This was the first time he'd seen James smile at him since the incident, even if the smile was not pointed directly towards him. It was just nice to see James happy.

"Everyone," James started, "I'd like you to meet Amy."

On cue, a somewhat petite girl with long and flowing brunette hair entered the apartment and stood next to James. James then proceeded to put an arm around her waist and pulled her in, closer to him. Mrs. Knight and Carlos smiled at the sight of the girl close to James. Katie looked like she could care less. Kendall's eyes grew wide. Logan accidentally dropped the box of food he had in his hands. His smile slid down until his mouth was opened slightly, and his eyes became hooded.

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><p><strong>There you have it! I feel like I'm making James look too much like a jerk, but you probably know why I have to. I kind of slackened at the end too, but I was really just having a bad case of writer's block. Chapter 5 is not yet started and I have tons of homework for this weekend, so I do not know exactly when I can get to it. Hopefully it is sometime soon. Oh, by the way, you should all check out my profile here on fanfiction, which I updated recently. I posted some new story ideas. Feel free to private message me if you want to write a story together or whatever you would like to tell me. Lastly, please leave a review and suggestions for where I can go with this story. Thank you so much, and have a pleasant day everybody :) ~<strong>


	5. Breakdown

**A/N: Hey everyone! So sorry this update was so late! Busy with schoolwork, you know? Priorities and all that stuff. I've been giving myself an hour a day to write though! Plus, I actually had to rewrite this chapter about three times because my other two drafts were absolutely horrendous. This one is at least, tolerable, I think, but still not my best. I hope you all enjoy it nonetheless.**

**I made James and Logan start talking to each other again! Hooray! By the way, don't jump to the author's note at the end, as it contains spoilers for this chapter, sort of. I don't know why, but I wrote it there, and didn't feel like taking it off so I decided to give a warning here. Also, more Kogan friendship in this chapter, and added hints of Kenlos.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. (ireallywishidid.)**

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><p>To Logan, the dinner they had that night was unbearable. Even though Amy had to leave and have dinner with her own family, she might as well have been there due to James's constant blabbering of the afternoon he shared with her. He felt hurt, to say the least, to see the animation of James's face as he recounted all the fun he had with Amy. Logan kept his head bent down and fondled with the food that was on his plate, but he would not dare take a bite. He had lost his appetite, and James's incessant rambling was not helping.<p>

Logan's demeanor went unnoticed for the most part, for Mrs. Knight and Carlos were too absorbed with James's storytelling. Katie was listening as well, but she was not entertained. _Another story of James getting with a girl? Great. When has she not heard one of those before?_

Kendall was the only one to see how Logan was reacting to all of what James is saying. He noticed the playing with the food and the unwillingness to eat a thing. Kendall tried hard not to throw a hissy fit at James at that moment, knowing that getting mad at James's innocent story of acquainting himself with a pleasant girl was sure to raise questions. If that then happens, Kendall would be forced to spill everything Logan had told him, or formulate an excuse that would make him look completely foolish since making up excuses on the spot was not really his forte.

James gave some pretty vivid descriptions regarding his date with Amy, and each felt like a sharp blow to the gut to Logan. Apparently, after a fateful meeting at the Palm Woods Park, Amy blatantly asked James to show her around Hollywood in her convertible. They ended up at Santa Monica Beach, where they decided to enjoy each other's company and watch the sunset.

Logan was able to maintain the mixture of hurt, anger, and confusion all under wraps up until now. But when James started describing how her hand casually touched his and innocently intertwining fingers with his, then looking at each other's eyes and leaning in close to each other's faces, Logan reached his limit.

Logan did not start screaming like what Kendall would have done. He did not start crying like Carlos probably would if the Latino was in his position. Instead Logan simply stood up, mumbled the words "excuse me", left the table and everyone still eating behind, and headed upstairs.

Kendall was shocked at Logan's action. Mrs. Knight, Katie, and Carlos were confused; James, on the other hand, felt searing pain in his chest again, but just took a sip of water to try and forget about it.

"What was that about?" Katie questioned.

"I don't know." Kendall lied. "I'm gonna go check up on him real quick." With those words, he left his chair, leaving the four others behind to finish their dinners, which they finished in almost a complete silence.

When Kendall made it upstairs, he saw his and Logan's bedroom door shut. He made his way towards the wooden barrier, and turned the knob, surprisingly unlocked. He entered the room and was met with a quiet and trembling Logan, sitting at the edge of his bed. His legs were slightly spread apart while his elbows rested on his thighs and his hands were clutched together, shaking. Kendall took a spot next to his best friend and proceeded to wrap an arm around Logan's shoulders.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kendall said with a concerned voice. Logan looked away, opposite Kendall's direction, not wanting to answer or talk at all for that matter. "Hey…" Kendall tried once more.

"I hate him." Logan finally said, but his eyes still refused to look at Kendall. "I hate him so much, Kendall."

"Logan-."

"I mean, why is he doing this? First he ignores me, now this. I mean, I don't know if I can take this anymore. I'm so…so…" And the tears started falling. Logan hurriedly turned and buried his face on Kendall's shoulders, dampening the cloth that was Kendall's shirt with every tear he shed. Kendall put a caring hand on the back of Logan's head and pulled him in for an embrace. Kendall wanted nothing more than to march right up to James and give him a square punch on the face for making his best friend cry. But he came to realize–Logan was crying. Logan was not one to cry instantly. He may seem the second most vulnerable one next to Carlos, but in truth Logan was as strong as a rock. It took something incredibly mean or hurtful or depressing to get Logan shedding tears. In fact, he vaguely remembers if Logan had cried ever since the four of them moved to LA. But there Logan was, sobbing on Kendall's shoulder, letting emotion take over him like it never had before. A muffled "I hate him" escaped Logan, his head still on Kendall's shoulder. All Kendall could do know was continue comforting his hurting friend.

Kendall sighed. "Do you really?" Logan lifted his head off of Kendall's now tear-damped shoulder, and met his gaze. "I mean, yes, I know you hate him for what he's doing, but do you honestly hate him?"

Logan was at a loss for words. _Was Kendall taking James's side now? Why all of a sudden is he defending James?_ Then it hit him. Sure, James's actions to make Logan jealous were unacceptable, and it hurt him enough to have him cry for the first time in an extremely long while, but amidst all that, he finally realized why he did cry, why he is acting the way he is right now, why he did feel this way.

"No…" Logan said as he struggled to gain composure. "I don't hate him…I–I'm in love with him."

Kendall smiled at Logan's words, but was honestly unsure of what to do. He got Logan to admit that he had romantic feelings for James, but knowing that James did not want anything to do with that, Kendall was actually more scared for Logan now than he was before. Kendall felt uncomfortable as silence filled the room now, but at least Logan stopped crying.

"I think I'm going to sleep now, I'm feeling really tired," Logan broke the silence.

Kendall was unsure of the truthfulness behind the statement since it was only eight thirty in the evening, but then again Logan had just spent the past few minutes crying, which does take a toll on depleting one's energy. He decided that letting Logan sleep would be for the best, but he felt unready to head back to the dining table where there sat three curious individuals wanting to hear the reason behind Logan's sudden action.

He walked towards the door and looked back and saw Logan was already putting himself under the blanket, but facing the opposing side of the doorway. When he exited, he jumped upon seeing Carlos waiting in the hallway, right outside the bedroom.

"Jeez, Carlos you scared me."

"Care to explain what that was about?" the Latino asked with a firm voice.

"What are you talking about? Are you guys done with dinner already? I didn't get to finish my food," Kendall commented, desperately trying to change the subject.

"We left your plate at the table, but don't try to get out of this Kendall. Was that Logan crying I heard in there?"

Before Kendall had a chance to answer, Mrs. Knight bellowed from downstairs, "Kendall, honey! Is Logan okay?"

Kendall held an index finger in front of the Latino's face to signal him to wait a moment. "Yeah, mom. He just felt a little sick," Kendall shouted back.

"Does he still want to finish his dinner?"

"I don't think so, mom. He already went to bed."

Kendall turned back to Carlos who had an impatient look on his face. "Well?" Carlos leaned forward and glared at Kendall. Kendall gulped, knowing he had no way out of this. He knew he was going to regret the decision he was about to make, but he honestly could not keep it a secret any longer from the shortest member of the band.

"Is James here?" Kendall questioned.

"He said he needed to get some fresh air so he went outside–is this related to Logan? Does James hate him or somethi-," Carlos was cut off when Kendall hushed him and was subsequently grabbed by the hands and brought to his and James's room.

Upon entering James's and Carlos's shared bedroom, Kendall turned on a light switch and leaned his back against the door. He tapped on the door as if to find something, and when he found the knob, he pressed on the clock until it clicked.

"Kendall, you better tell me what's going on…"

Kendall sighed and suggested to the Latino to take a seat.

* * *

><p>"No way," Carlos said, his jaw dropping significantly.<p>

"Yeah, and apparently, James is now ignoring Logan and parading girls in front of his face, just to let him know that he doesn't like him that way," Kendall shook his head in frustration. Watching things unfold already made him mad. Having to recall how everything took place once again had him furious and ready to beat the living hell out of James.

"All this from one kiss?"

"Yeah, I know. James is so stupid! I can't believe he would hurt Logan like this," Kendall began pacing around the room, while Carlos remained seated on his bed, fingers tapping at his helmet that he had placed right next to him, as if thinking.

"Well that surely explains the other day."

"What do you mean?" Kendall paused his pacing, and gave Carlos a questioning look. "What other day?"

"That one day he and I went shopping, when you two went on dates."

"So, what about it?"

"I don't know, he just seemed distracted and off to me. Plus, I distinctly remember when I pointed out a striped cardigan that matched the one Logan has–he could not get out of that store fast enough. Every time I started talking about Logan, he'd instantly change the subject, which I thought was really weird, but now not so much."

Kendall was surprised at what he was hearing. From what it sounds like, James was thinking heavily of Logan on that day. "You don't think…"

"I honestly don't know. If you ask me, whatever James has been doing–it's not to hurt Logan intentionally. He might be just finding ways to get over him."

Kendall's eyes widened to their largest possible. Carlos was making perfect sense, and quite possibly gave a shimmer of hope to making Logan happy once again. In an instant, Kendall's attitude changed. He was pacing again, but for an entirely different reason. He was thinking.

Carlos was watching Kendall start to pace. He sensed that it was his scheming pace, however and instantly questioned his motives. "What are you thinking about?"

Kendall explained his plan to Carlos, who seemed to comply with the blonde's methods. It was simple–have James and Logan to start talking again. Well, maybe it wasn't too simple. But if they manage to pull it off, they figured James can either come to terms with his feelings towards Logan or Logan can finally feel better, even if it means only being friends with James.

"Are you sure this will work?" Carlos asked Kendall in a very worried tone.

"We'll make it work." Kendall flashed Carlos an award-winning smile. Carlos suddenly feel his cheeks flare upon seeing the wide smile Kendall gave him. He looked off to the side, suddenly gaining interest on the pattern of his bed sheet. He felt his bed stir when Kendall decided to sit next to him and lie down, hands behind his head and looking up at the ceiling.

"So what do you think about all this, Carlitos?"

"About what?"

"Logan and James, and possibly, you know, getting together?"

Carlos contemplated on the subject for a bit. He never really thought about the idea of his two friends, his two _guy_ friends, becoming a couple. "I never would have imagined it happening, but hey if they are happy together, then I'm happy for them. The fact that they are two guys doesn't concern me one bit, if that's what you're implying." Carlos lied down as well, joining Kendall's staring contest with the high ceiling.

"Hey, I didn't imply anything. And since when did you learn to use big words like 'implying', huh?" Kendall smirked.

"Shut up," Carlos gave a sarcastic laugh before quickly swatting Kendall's stomach with the back of his hand, and then started laughing sincerely. Kendall coughed at the impact, but joined Carlos's laughter soon after.

* * *

><p>Logan woke up to find silence enveloping the bedroom. His eyes were hurting from crying the previous night, and the light that penetrated the windows showed his retinas no mercy either. His eyes sprang open, however, when he noticed that Kendall was not in his bed. Logan looked at the clock, and upon seeing it was only a little past nine in the morning, he grew even more suspicious. He stepped outside, only to find that the entire apartment was quiet as well. He paused when passed by James's and Carlos's room, wanting to knock on their door to see if they were still sound asleep, but decided not to.<p>

He checked the apartment from the balcony upstairs, only to find plates on the dining table and a note on top of one. He took it to mean that Mrs. Knight and Katie had left the premises. Logan was growing tired of all the note-finding and being left-at-home-while-everyone-has-made-plans business. Before he reached the swirly slide, he heard his phone ringing back in his bedroom. He groaned softly, before dragging his feet back to where he just was a few moments ago. He retrieved his phone from his desk to find Kendall's name on the screen.

"Hello?" Logan's voice came out raspy. Logan tried to clear his throat then repeated, "Hello?" with the same raspy, fresh-out-of-bed voice.

"Hey, Logan! Sorry dude, did I wake ya?"

"No, I woke up about five minutes ago. Where are you?"

"Carlos took me girl hunting again. He just won't quit. Hey!" Logan heard Kendall shout into the phone, which caused Logan to move it away from his ear.

"Hey, Logan!" a different voice now talked through the phone.

"Hey Carlos."

"James said that if he doesn't get out of bed by ten, to make sure to wake him up no later. Ooh, Kendall! How about her?" Logan heard Kendall give a thoughtful "Hmm" in the background.

"Wait, Carlos-"

"Looks like we've got our target. I'll catch you later, Loges! Bye!"

The call was ended before Logan was able to say another word. Logan disliked that Carlos's had a knack of randomly ending phone calls without even listening to the other person on the line. But right now, he disliked even more the fact that he was possibly home alone with James, if in fact Mrs. Knight and Katie had left. Logan figured he had no other choice but help himself to some breakfast, thus returning to the hallway and to the swirly slide. When he reached the bottom, he headed for the dining table, took the note, and started reading. Logan instantly knew the note was made by Katie–the writing was quite neat for it to be any of the guys' penmanship, but quite sloppy for it to be Mrs. Knight's. It read:

_Logan and/or James,_

_ Mom found me auditions for commercials today, so we took off. Mom says to help yourselves to the pancakes she made. Also, she is asking if one of you can do the groceries later? The list is on the counter. She says thanks. See you guys later!_

_Katie_

Logan gave a heavy sigh, realizing his plans for the day were made for him. He honestly did not feel like having breakfast today, but knowing the importance of breakfast, helped himself to a couple of bites of Mrs. Knight's exquisite blueberry pancakes drenched in maple syrup. When he finished, he placed his plate in the sink, along with some other unwashed dishes. Logan's mood became slightly irritated, feeling as though he had his work for today already cut out for him. Instead of washing them, he saved them for later and headed upstairs, eager to take a shower. He was still dressed in the clothes he had on yesterday afternoon with Camille, and they were becoming annoyingly itchy.

Logan felt his thoughts wonder again in the shower. His thoughts were mostly on how he will go about the day, knowing that it was only James and him inside the apartment.

* * *

><p>James woke up to the piercing sound of his alarm clock that read 10:00. He had a splitting headache, unable to sleep instantly the previous night. He asked to be excused from the dinner due to some difficulty breathing, but did not let Mrs. Knight, Carlos, or Katie know. James wandered around the Palm Woods, no specific place to go to in mind. All he knew was that he needed to get away from the apartment, more specifically Logan. He finally realized that the reason behind his recent chest pains were caused none other by the short brunette boy–the one who he, dare he say it, kissed not too long ago. He didn't know why, neither did he want to know. Just hearing the name Logan caused his insides to stir.<p>

James heard a loud knock on the bedroom door. James lazily got off his bed to stop the irritating knocking. Once he opened the door, his stomach churned at the sight of Logan on the other side.

"Hi…Uhm, Carlos wanted me to, uh, make sure you were awake by ten." Logan was staring at the floor, while James just stared at him, unable to process his words at the moment. "I'm going to go get some, um, groceries. Do you need anything?"

James finally was able to comprehend the shorter brunette's words. "Uh, no I'm good thanks though."

"Okay, got any plans today?" Logan humbly asked.

James was unsure if he wanted to tell Logan his plans for the day. Figuring it was better to just come out with the truth, he said, "I have a lunch date with uhm…uh, Amy. Yeah, Amy. At twelve." James was expecting Logan to tense up or storm out or even shout at him, but when Logan said okay with a smile, he was taken aback.

"Well I'll be going now. I'll be back in about an hour and a half. Try not to burn the apartment down," Logan said with a faint laugh as he made his way to the swirly slide.

James was pleasantly surprised with how Logan reacted. The boy seemed unfazed, and James was starting to feel a form of relief mixed in with a questionable sense of disappointment. He was fully aware of the breach the kiss had caused between his and Logan's friendship, and all James wanted to happen was to forget about the entire thing, because it had meant nothing. But there was this part of James that felt upset over the fact that Logan showed signs of forgetting about the incident as well. He couldn't help but question why he felt in such a way, but upon feeling the start of the pain in his chest again, he dismissed the idea and headed towards the shower.

James was about ready to go into a full blown rage episode as he stared at his untied tie in front of the downstairs bathroom mirror. Never has James learned how to tie a tie; it was always Mrs. Knight, Kendall, or Logan that did it for him. But now that he was alone at the apartment, he couldn't help but curse at his tie tying incompetence.

The apartment door opened and in comes Logan, each arm carrying three full grocery bags and a list with one hand. Upon hearing another presence in the apartment, James came running out of the bathroom. "Kendall…?"

"Nope it's me," Logan gave a slight smile. "Disappointed?"

"Logan, uh you think you can help me out?"

"With what exactly?"

James pointed to his tie, still undone. Logan laughed gently and proceeded to James who was in desperate need of assistance.

Logan knew how to tie a tie since he was twelve, learning before going to a science fair, which he won first place in. It was second nature to him now, even if he was tying it on someone else. He stood in front of James and grabbed the smooth fabric, and started his process.

Logan's light breathing and hooded eyes caught James by surprise. His heart started to beat more rapidly than usual, and he felt himself tense up. This was the first time James really observed Logan. Despite his short height, Logan had pretty broad shoulders and an exceptional build. It wasn't as developed as James's, but it suited Logan perfectly. Logan's faint smile exposed his dimples, which complimented Logan's face quite nicely. James felt himself blush and–_no this is not happening, _he thought to himself.

As Logan was making his finishing touches on James's tie, pulling on the tail as he brought the knot close to James's neck, there was a knock on the door of apartment 2J. Logan patted on the knot of the tie twice for some sort of good measure. Logan gazed up at James, and with a sincere smile and smooth voice said, "Have fun, James."

* * *

><p><strong>A little bit of a change from the previous chapters I might say. I don't know if I really got it across that Logan is trying to get over his feelings. Whoops, hopefully that didn't give it away. I just wanted James to, on some level, stop looking like a jerk and Logan to stop being one of the saddest things on the planet. Hopefully this chapter worked out for you guys. Please give some feedback on your thoughts of the story thus far! Thanks again!<strong>

**P.S. I posted the first chapter of a new multific. It is called In My Eyes. It's another Jagan story, but it is AU this time. If you find the time, kindly give it a read too! Reviews for it are appreciated as well :) Until next time!**


	6. Thoughts on You

**A/N: Ahh, the glory that is Friday. It means I have the time to write more and possibly update! First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their lovely reviews! I did this on Chapter 3 so I will probably do this every three chapters from now on. Shout out!**

**Jazckson, mrsscarlettpena, Logan Henderson Is Mine, Bowman0306, number1sasunarufan, scarlett(anon), Velandrae, Bigtimebitch, CheekyBrunette, jogan(anon), TheClaire24, MerielTLA, hjk(anon), BigTimeSweetheart, MissMaslowHenderson, and the others from my previous shout out!**

**Reading each review just makes me all the more happy. Thanks you everyone!**

**A bit about this chapter. I really like how this one turned out. At first I had my doubts, but I was able to pull it off in the end. (at least in my opinion I did) The chapter contains the date between James and Amy, and cute doses of Kenlos and Jagan. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush.**

* * *

><p>A gorgeous marble fountain stood erect at the center of the restaurant. Busy waiters strolled by carrying searing dishes fresh from the kitchen, enveloping the area with a delectable aroma. Hidden speakers played a soothing symphony, but they were almost muted by the idle chatter of fellow customers. The setting seemed perfect. Not to mention Amy was wearing a very form fitting cream white cocktail dress that accentuated her chest. To any young adult with hormones that equal that of a curious teenager, this seemed like a perfect date with a promising night.<p>

But it didn't seem like that to James. He could not bring himself to fully focus on the date; not the restaurant, the food, Amy, nothing. His thoughts were on something, or rather _someone_ else. He knew Amy was talking right in front of him, but every word she said came in one ear and simply out the other. For some damned reason, his thoughts were drifting towards Logan. Actually, his thoughts never left Logan since his date started. In truth, James felt nervous about this, even though he tried to stay nonchalant, for the sake of Amy and any questions she would come up with.

"Um, James?" Amy asked, looking at her date with a slightly perturbed look.

"Hmm, wh-what?"

"I asked, what did you think? Can I?"

"Umm…"

"Were you even paying attention to me?" Amy questioned, raising her voice, causing a few heads to turn to their table.

"What? Of course, of course I was!" James felt eyes giving them strange looks from all around them.

"Well then can I?"

"Uhm, yes. You can. You definitely can."

"Great! I guess I'll be taking the lobster then." Amy closed her menu and returned it to the waiter that stood next to their table, James unaware of his presence up until that point.

"And for you sir?" the waiter turned to James.

"Oh, I'll have the uh…" James quickly turned to a random page on the menu and scanned its contents for anything that sounded delectable. "I'll take the, uhm, Tropical Mango Salsa Scallops, please."

"Very well, sir. Your food will be right with you in about thirty minutes. I'll be back with your appetizer in about five to ten. Meanwhile, enjoy your complimentary bread and butter while we get everything squared away."

"Thank you." Amy said in a slightly flirtatious voice. This James took notice of, but after giving a good look at the waiter, he understood where she was coming from. The waiter had a white smile with lush brown eyes and a defined jaw line. His messy brunette hair along with the dimples on his cheeks as he smiled were to die for–and that's where James cut his thought process off, realizing how much the waiter resembled Logan, and how he was actually checking the waiter out.

"Aww, I didn't know you liked shellfish too." Amy's attention went back to James.

"Excuse me?"

"Shellfish? The scallops you ordered?" Amy's tone turned skeptical.

"Oh, the scallops. Yes, I do love 'em." James smiled a wry smile before reaching for his drink then taking a quick sip. He lied. He hated shellfish. It was not that he was allergic to them; he just always found their texture a bit awkward and distasteful. He cursed himself in the back of his head for stupidly ordering something he was not familiar with. All it took for him was to read 'Tropical Mango' and in an instant he made his order, granted that the waiter seemed quite impatient when James was unready with his choice. He did not expect Amy to know his dislike of shellfish, and now he dreaded choosing to go to a fancy seafood restaurant as a first date. He was fine with all other types of seafood, just not those exoskeleton-bearing aquatic invertebrates, as Logan says. If only Logan was his date instead; the smart boy would have been there to stop him from making such a stupid order–and James's thoughts were back on Logan. _Did I just say Logan should be my date instead?_

"James, are you sure you're okay?"

"Huh, oh what? Yeah, I'm fine! Totally fine."

"Are you sure? Because you just seem really…" Amy paused, trying to think of the correct word to say.

"Seem really what?"

"…I don't know. Distracted."

She could not have been more right. "Me? Distracted? Never." James tried to pull off a composed look, but knew that he failed miserably. He needed to take a break and clear his thoughts, before Amy could become more suspicious. "If you'll excuse me, I need to use the little boy's room."

Amy chuckled and James took it to mean that he was clear to go. He bolted out of his seat and headed towards the bathroom, still filled with thoughts of a certain fellow band member with brunette hair and dimples. Upon arriving in the bathroom, James stood in front of the mirror and stared directly at it. He looked a little flushed and his hand was slightly shaking. He turned the faucet on and let the cold water flow. He cupped his hands together and placed them under the long metallic nozzle, letting water gather inside. He bent over and splashed his face with the accumulated water, refreshing his face. James reached for a paper towel and proceeded to dry the water that dripped from his face. He took another good look in the mirror and decided to undo his tie, feeling as though it was constricting him. As he took off the tie, he smelled an unusual aroma. It certainly wasn't the smell of any of his Cuda products; it was the scent of someone else.

It was Logan's scent. When Logan helped James with his tie, some of the fragrance Logan regularly used rubbed off on it. It was a sweet fragrance, enticing even. James grasped the tie with both hands and held it to his nose, then drew in the scent with a gentle but deep whiff. Then he sighed shakily. Then he gulped heavily.

James simply stared at the tie for another good minute, then shook his head and forcefully stuffed the tie into his pants pocket. He exited the bathroom with heavy stomps, and started to head back to his table, where Amy was waiting.

Before reaching his table, the corner of his eye caught a dark brunette hairdo attached to a pale-skinned head. The hair was done in a fohawk, the sides slicked down while the middle was held up in the air with some sort of hair product. James did not even know he paused halfway to his table. He did not know why he turned around and walked towards the raven-haired boy. All he knew was he was right there and he tapped the boy's shoulder.

"Logan?"

The boy turned around. His eyes, instead of a mesmerizing chocolate color, were hazel. The captivating smile and the dimples that complemented it were nowhere to be seen on his face. All that was on the face were a raised eyebrow, a scrunched forehead, and a complete look of confusion. It wasn't Logan.

"So sorry. I thought you were someone else." James felt embarrassed, to say the least, and turned back to walk to his table, taking his seat in silence when he arrived.

Amy witnessed the entire scene, and gave James an equally confused look as the boy that James had just accosted. "What was that about?" she questioned.

"Nothing." James muttered. The appetizer had arrived, but James simply looked at it. Before he knew it, that familiar sharp pain in his chest returned. He needed to end the date and quick.

* * *

><p>About an hour and a half after James left, Carlos and Kendall returned to the apartment to find Logan immersed in a Chemistry textbook and a whole bunch of papers scattered on the dining table. They gave each other worried looks and walked over to their friend.<p>

"Hey, Logie," Kendall started.

Logan looked up from his book. "Oh hey guys," he stated with a slight smile, then returned to his reading.

"What'cha doing over there?" Carlos asked.

"Well I went to get groceries this morning and the library was on the way, so I stopped by and grabbed a book, you know, to get a head start on the school year," he explained, eyes still glued to the words printed on the pages opened in front of him.

"Uhm, so where's James?"

"Out," Logan replied.

"Out where?"

"On a date with Amy."

"He's on a date?" Kendall exclaimed in shock.

Logan put a finger to his ear, which now hurt from Kendall's sudden outburst. Carlos did the same. "Yes, he's out on a date! Why?" Logan asked in suspicion.

Kendall found himself in a predicament. Logan was ever so the analytical type, and Kendall's frenzy was enough for Logan to figure out that something was up. Kendall was at a loss for words as Logan continued to give him a suspicious look.

"Are you okay with that?" Carlos questioned in the background.

"W-what?" Logan suddenly grew tense.

"I asked, if you were okay with that. James on a date, I mean."

Logan looked at Carlos with a troubled stare, while Carlos gave one back that was stern and inquiring. Logan realized what was going on. He turned back to Kendall and shouted, "You told him!"

Kendall jumped back in surprise at Logan shouting at him, but Carlos instantly took over. "Yes, Logan. Kendall told me. The kiss, James avoiding you, all of it."

Logan was trembling. Now someone else knows. He was reluctant on telling Kendall and Camille about the whole thing, and promised himself he would only tell those two, but now Carlos knows, and Logan was not too thrilled with the idea.

"Carlos, I'm so sorry…" Logan's voice came out shaken, on the verge of breaking down.

"Don't worry about it Logan." Carlos walked to the back of Logan's chair and wrapped his arms around the smart boy. "It doesn't matter to me. You liking James doesn't bother me the least bit."

At this point, Logan had the urge to cry like the way he did the previous night. But it was not out of fear or depression; he wanted to cry out of happiness. Everyone that knew of his infatuation with James took the news quite well, and Logan never felt as lucky as he did at that moment. He looked to Kendall who was giving a warm smile, the sight of Carlos and Logan in a friendly hug greatly pleasing him.

"Oh, since you're here," Carlos broke off the hug and took a spot next to Kendall, "maybe the three of us can hang out, you know? Have like some sort of three…time rush or something."

Kendall chuckled. "Three Time Rush? That is so lame."

"Shut up, I don't see you making any better suggestions." Carlos looked at Kendall with a mad puppy face, which in turn made Kendall chuckle more.

"Whatever, Carlos," Kendall shook his head. "But that's not actually a bad idea. So what do you think Logan? You up for it?"

Logan took a good look at his two best friends, who now had wide grins on their faces and both thumbs up in front of them, then at his Chemistry textbook. "Well, it _is_ summer." Logan gave an equally wide grin and stood up, shutting the textbook in the process. Kendall and Carlos hissed a "Yes!" in unison, and Logan simply laughed.

* * *

><p>Logan was pleasantly surprised when the three of them agreed to a relaxing round of golf as their activity for the afternoon. Out of the four boys of Big Time Rush, only Logan and Kendall have played golf before. James never attempted it because he claimed the sport was too boring and shouldn't be even considered a sport; Carlos on the other hand refused to play a game where scores were tallied, meaning math was involved, and he never understood how the person with the lowest score wins the game. But Carlos took a different outlook on golf today, and decided to give it a shot.<p>

Between Kendall and Logan, Kendall was clearly the better of the two. Kendall made two pars and an eagle in the first three holes they played on whereas Logan kept getting bogeys. Carlos decided to watch the two play for a little while until he got a basic understanding of the game, and how to hit the ball correctly with that mocking metallic rod. At the fourth hole, Carlos deemed himself prepared to step up to the plate and hit his first golf ball. He took his spot in front of the small white sphere on the ground while holding a club firmly with both hands. He took a swing and looked into the distance, trying to see where he had hit the ball.

"Umm, Carlos…" Logan tried to point out.

"Guys, I can't see the ball! Where'd it go?"

"Carlos…" Logan tried again.

"Is that one mine?" Carlos pointed to a white dot on the ground several yards away.

"That one's mine." Kendall placed a hand on Carlos's shoulder, and the Latino started to pout.

"Then where's mine?"

"Carlos!" Logan shouted.

"What?" Carlos screamed back.

"It's still in front of you." Logan pointed to the golf ball on the ground next to the Latino. When Carlos looked down, he saw that Logan, in fact, was right. He felt his cheeks flare in embarrassment.

"Don't you worry, Carlitos. Not everyone gets it in the first try." Kendall reassured the Latino and patted his shoulder.

"Well then, I don't know how to hit the ball! Will you guys help me?" Carlos made puppy eyes at both his best friends. It had no effect on Logan, who simply laughed, but Kendall felt bad for Carlos, and agreed to help him.

"Fine, I'll help you."

"Thanks, Kenny! You're the best."

"Tell me something I don't know." Kendall said with a smirk. "Now go stand in front of the ball." Carlos did as he was told and stood a few inches away from the golf ball. Kendall took a spot behind Carlos and wrapped himself around the Latino as he placed his hands on the Latino's arms. "Okay, well first put your feet together…" and the two continued.

Logan never realized how close Kendall and Carlos had gotten over the past few years, and how they have gotten even closer over the past few days. Kendall always seemed to make his plans mostly with Carlos recently, now that Logan thought about it. From the two times they supposedly went girl hunting, to the time at the zoo, even if it was with Mrs. Knight and Katie. The only time he remembered hanging out with Kendall over the past few days was when they had double dates, only to be ruined when Kendall went out of his way to take the wrong girl out of the two of them. Logan doesn't even remember the last time he hung out with Carlos and Carlos alone. Logan gained a flashback of his double date night with Kendall, and he still could not believe that Kendall went for the other girl, one that less resembled Jo, one that was shorter and had darker hair, one that seemed Latina…

And at that moment, everything clicked. Logan eyes widened at the epiphany he just had. To confirm his supposition, he looked over to Kendall and Carlos. Logan noticed the slight tint of rose on the sides of Kendall's cheeks as he guided Carlos's swing of the golf club, arms still wrapped around the Latino quite tightly. Carlos took a swing and he hit the ball correctly this time, sending the ball well over a significant amount of yards. It wasn't as far as Kendall's or Logan's golf ball, but it did land on green and was not too bad for a first swing. Carlos turned to Kendall with an ecstatic look and gave Kendall a tight hug, which caught Kendall of by surprise, his cheeks turning a darker red.

Logan sat there agape; luckily his jaw drop was out of both Kendall's and Carlos's periphery vision. Logan could not believe he hasn't noticed until now.

* * *

><p>James returned to apartment 2J at precisely five in the afternoon, and was greeted by Mrs. Knight and Katie. Mrs. Knight was in the kitchen, preparing the meal for the evening while Katie was in the living room, practicing the violin. Katie knew that the violin was not her passion, and it showed through the screeching of the strings as she slid her bow across them, but Mrs. Knight was certain that all Katie needed was practice and she insisted her daughter to continue. Katie has shown some improvement, but the music she produced with the instrument still was not the kindest of things to the ears.<p>

"Hi, James, sweetie. Ooh, you look quite spiffy today. What's the occasion?" asked a curious Mrs. Knight.

"Oh, I had a lunch and movie date with Amy." At least it was lunch and a movie. The date part of it was ambiguous. Lunch went terribly as James had to force himself into eating his order of shellfish, drinking as much of his beverage as possible to wash away the unwanted tenderness and eerie taste his dish gave his taste buds. He had to tough it up despite his chest pain and the food, for Amy's sake. James choked on the amount printed on the bill and wished that he never agreed to pay at the beginning of the date, especially after seeing that Amy's order of lobster cost twice as much as his scallops.

After lunch, the two of them went to the movie theatres, still dressed quite fancy. James made another foolish mistake and let Amy choose the movie, and when she decided to watch _Crazy Stupid Love_, James knew he was in for a world of unease. The movie theatre was packed with couples, young and old, and all the girls rested their heads on their respective boyfriend's or husband's shoulders. Amy did the same, but James could care less. He tried to watch the movie to make the most of his money, but, just like at the dinner, he was mostly distracted. Instead of the big screen, James's attention was directed at two guys sitting next to each other four rows down. One of the guys rested his head on the other's shoulders, while the other rested his on top of the other boy's head. He then noticed that their fingers were intertwined with one another's, and James couldn't help but gulp at the sight of the two boys in love.

"I'm going to switch out of these clothes. Are any of the other guys home?"

"Not yet, sweetie. Kendall called and said the three of them went to play golf. They said they'll be back at around six o clock." Mrs. Knight replied.

The idea of his friends, mostly Carlos, playing golf baffled James, but it was the least of his problems so he simply shrugged it off and proceeded to head upstairs. "I'm gonna be upstairs. Call me when the guys get back or when you need some help, Mrs. Knight. See ya, Katie."

Katie grunted. Mrs. Knight smiled at James. "Sure sweetie. Thanks."

When James made it to his bedroom, he lied down on his bed and stared at the high ceiling. His day was not the best, as his brain was clouded with thoughts he never expected having. He contemplated on what to do next, knowing that he had to take some course of action, or else he would forever feel troubled, burdened and confused.

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><p>Dinner was served when the rest of Big Time Rush arrived home from their friendly game of golf. Kendall, to no surprise, got the best score. However, Carlos managed to come in second, beating Logan by three points. Carlos kept on talking about his first golfing experience at the dinner table, while the rest listened intently as they sat and finished their plates. Kendall would occasionally jump in to add to Carlos's statements, all the while laughing along with the Latino, as did the rest of the table. Except for James. James ate in silence, only seldom hinting a smile at Carlos's story.<p>

After dinner, Carlos grew a sudden interest in playing the golf game on Wii Sports. He challenged Kendall for a rematch and also invited Logan and James to join in. Kendall could not turn down a challenge, and Logan reluctantly joined, having no other tasks to do for the day. James opted out, stating that he had a terrible headache, and went back to his room.

Halfway through their golf game, Logan felt his phone vibrate in his pants pocket. He checked to see what it was–a text message from James. _I need to talk to you._

Logan looked over to Carlos and Kendall, who were really engaged with the game. "Guys, I will be right back," he shouted at the two.

"Yeah, sure thing Loges. No Carlos, the wind is blowing that direction so you have to hit it the other way!" Kendall exclaimed.

"I knew that!"

"Of course you did!" Kendall said sarcastically.

Kendall's and Carlos's voices slowly got softer as Logan made his way upstairs. He looked at James's and Carlos's bedroom door, unsure if he should proceed. He decided to knock, and enter the room, finding James lying on his bed.

"Hey, you said you needed to talk to me?"

"Uh, yeah." James got up from his position and sat at the edge of his bed. His hand tapped the spot next to him. "Um, sit."

Logan claimed the spot he was asked to, but he was looking towards the floor instead of James, who in turn was staring at the ground as well. "So how was your date?" Logan asked in a faint voice.

"It was fine."

"Well it certainly doesn't sound fine."

James hated the fact that Logan can read him like an open book. "Yeah, that sounded bad didn't it? Well, to be honest, it wasn't the best date." James gave a soft chuckle. "I couldn't decide what to order, so I randomly picked something and got some sort of tropical scallop dish."

"Scallops? But I thought you hated shellfish?" Logan finally looked at James.

"Yeah, but I didn't know what scallops were, okay? Not the brightest here!" James looked back at Logan, and a friendly vibe started to grow in the room.

"Well that must have been terrible!"

"Yeah, it really was! Plus, I didn't know Amy was such a talker! I mean she just rambled on and on! The movie wasn't any better. We watched that thing with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone."

"You two watched a romantic comedy?" Logan asked in bewilderment.

"Yeah, I let her pick. Another bad choice." James started laughing. Soon enough, he was joined by Logan in a familiar laughter between colleagues. They laughed for a good while, until the room fell silent again, but it was unlike the awkward silences Logan continuously faced before. It was a comfortable silence, one shared by people that were close to one another.

James sighed. "Listen, I know we…haven't exactly…talked in the past few days. And I realize that it's entirely my fault, and I just really wanted to say I'm sorry. I called you up here to see…if you know, maybe we can…" James could not find the right words to say.

"I would love to." Logan gave James a sincere smile, and James's eyes gleamed. He knows he has hurt Logan, and he meant the apology he just gave him. The fact that Logan was willing to forget about everything James did and wanted to be friends again gave him a sense of relief.

James was surprised when Logan inched closer to him and gave him a warm hug. He felt his heart skip a beat at the embrace, not receiving one from Logan in what felt like forever. As he breathed in to take a sigh, he once again smelled Logan's sweet fragrance. It was stronger than how it smelled on his tie, and James felt his heart flutter. Logan was hugging him, and he couldn't explain why but James felt warm, happy, and complete.

Logan slowly broke off the hug, and stood up from James's bed. James felt a bit frozen in place, a little disappointed that the hug he shared with Logan was over, and he did not know why that was.

"Logan?" James said as Logan opened the bedroom door, making his exit.

"Yes, James?" Logan looked back, and smiled at James with a heartfelt smile.

"…it's nothing."

"Okay then. Have a good night James." Logan kept his smile as he gently shut the bedroom door.

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><p><strong>This has definitely been the longest chapter I've ever written. Hope you all enjoyed it! It's a three-day weekend since it's Labor Day on Monday so hopefully I can finish the next chapter and put it up by then. Please don't forget to leave some suggestionscomments in the reviews! Thank you all so much! :) Please also read the first chapter of my second fanfic which I will be working on right after the end of this story. It is called In My Eyes.**


	7. Sweet Dreams

**A/N: Hey everyone! So, scratch what I said last chapter. This is by far the longest chapter I've ever written, but it was a really fun one to write!**

**The concept of this chapter is quite different from previous ones. Take notice of the line breaks, because each of the boys has a dream that night, and I wanted to separate the dream from stuff that was actually going on. I don't know if I pulled it off honestly, but hopefully you guys see what I was trying to put across. The dreams go from Logan's to Kendall's to Carlos's then lastly to James's. By the way, James's dream is the closest attempt I have of writing something…hot and intimate. I haven't tried writing smut yet, and I there won't be any in this story, but there will be in my future stories!**

**Oh yeah, I also gave names to the chapters now. Just wanted to point that out. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. I do own this plot.**

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><p>Logan faced the large wooden church door with a bit of unease mixed with a bit of thrill and uncertainty. He was clothed in a white button up long sleeves with a stiff collar and a plain black tie, which tickled his throat, causing some issues with comfort. Over the dress shirt, he had on a very stylish gray vest, buttoning up midway through his tie, and then splitting apart in a form of a V until it reached over his shoulders and wrapped around them. Placed on top of everything just mentioned was a heavy black blazer that was completely unbuttoned and hanging freely. His overall attire would seem to give a heatstroke to anyone, but Logan tried to stay as composed as possible.<p>

The church bell started to ring from outside, the loud banging of the metallic clapper against the mouth of the bell enough to give Logan a jolt of surprise. The church doors crept open until the altar and the entire church was in Logan's full view. The organ started playing, filling the church with a romantic echoing harmony.

The altar was adorned divinely. Lilacs, lilies, and orchids garnished two spiral candelabras; each of its spaces held up a tall white stick, which was lit and gave a faint light. Situated at the bottom were pots of fern, whose leaves reached out until they met the floor. The altar table looked freshly painted with a majestic white; its surface was decorated with three candles on each side, each of varied height and lit as well. The centerpiece was the most magnificent; it was a floral basket arrangement, with lilacs, lilies, and orchids as well but bigger and taller, and greater in number. Behind the table stood two tall vases with white birch branches, which were further beautified by the placement of small decorative lights, snaking around the sticks.

Pair after pair started their walk towards the altar, passing by each of the church's pews with content smiles on their faces. The church was drowned in hearty laughter as some couples paused in the middle of their walk and gave a quirky pose. The laughter was replaced with sounds of adoration as little girls in light cream-colored dresses sprinkled white rose petals onto the red carpet beneath them and as little boys with a white pillow resting on their hands trudged through as well, their clueless but precious faces only bringing delight to those who watched them.

Slowly but surely the amount of people that were in line in front of Logan was getting smaller. All the unease Logan felt had vanished, and before he knew it, the couple in front of him made their way down, and he was next. He caught a small figure stand by him to his left with his peripheries; it grabbed hold of his arm. Logan didn't have a care of who it was, for all he cared about was that it was his turn to walk down the aisle.

The organ started playing a slower tune; the guests stood up as they saw Logan and the figure next to him walking towards the altar. He gave smiles to everyone around them, but it seemed like their gazes were fixated on something else and not him. It was eerie, but he continued walking.

At the far end of the aisle, Logan saw him. He was slipped into a sheik black vest with a matching bowtie all over a white button up like what Logan was wearing, and then finished with a stunningly white blazer and slacks. His attire matched the white smile he flashed as he stared at the last two people walking down the aisle towards him.

James looked so handsome.

Beside James were Kendall and Carlos, their smiles also widely showing. They too were dressed nicely, but James had them beat. Logan also took notice of the priest at the center of the platform where the altar was. He looked like a jolly old man, his receding gray hairline almost went unnoticed with his surprisingly young looking face.

At the end of his walk down, the figure beside Logan let go of his arm. Logan gave a heartwarming smile before he tried to take a step towards James, his groom. Only his foot didn't let him. He was unable to move forward and take his spot next to James in front of the altar, ready to be wed. He checked to see what was impeding him from taking a step and saw that his feet were chained. He looked back to see what he was possibly chained to from behind but when he did, the entire back half of the church was enveloped in darkness, the origin of the chains disappearing into the pitch-black. Logan tried to shake the fetters off of his feet, but to no avail. He looked back to the altar and his eyes widened as he saw the figure that was standing next to him when he walked down the aisle now stood next to James, in front of the altar.

Only then did the figure take on a clear picture. It was a young woman. She was wearing a white flowing satin gown that hugged her body tightly, with chiffon for its shoulders and an ornate lace pattern covering her back. Her brunette hair was bundled up and put under a veil that was long enough to cover her eyes.

James now only had his eyes on the bride in front of him, oblivious to Logan's presence still on the aisle. Actually, everybody didn't seem to notice that Logan was there on the aisle, struggling to release himself from the dreaded chains on his feet that were keeping him from stopping everything that was going on. Even his cries for help were unheard and Logan felt panicked.

With his hands, James lifted the veil off of the young woman, revealing the contours of her face. It was Amy. Logan eyes widened even more at the sight of her. _Didn't she just have an awful date with James? What is going on?_ Logan continued to shake the bindings off of his feet, but in a more frantic way. He had to stop this ceremony, at all costs.

"Dearly beloved," the priest commenced, "we are gathered here today to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony."

Logan exerted all his energy in trying to break the chains, but alas, he was unable to free himself.

The priest continued, "If any man can show just cause, why these two may not lawfully be joined together, let him speak now, or for ever hold his peace."

Logan shouted, "James! James, please don't! James!" Not a single pair of eyes looked at Logan, nor did a single pair of ears hear his protests. "Please, no!"

The priest turned to James. "James, will you take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto her, so long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

Logan stopped his struggle. He felt his heart shatter at those two simple words. Only when the chains started to clatter from behind him did Logan struggle again. The chains were now moving backwards, until it caught Logan and made him fall forward. He was being dragged into the darkness, away from the scene of the wedding.

"James!" Logan reached out with his hand, trying to grasp at anything that could stop him from being pulled. He continued his shouts of the groom's name. "James!" But he wasn't strong enough. The picture of the wedding grew smaller and smaller. Logan tried to give a final roar of the tall brunette's name but it was drowned out as he was engulfed by the darkness.

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><p>Logan shot up from his bed with labored breaths and a rapid heartbeat. He felt his neck covered in sweat and had chills down his spine. It was a dream. Just a dream.<p>

Logan looked to the bed next to his. He hoped he had not wakened Kendall with the way he got up from his nightmare. After hearing a faint snore, Logan deemed that Kendall was still pleasantly asleep. But when Kendall gave a faint angry moan, Logan believed that his blonde best friend was having a dream of his own.

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><p>The airport was extremely loud on that day. With the combined noise of people on their phones, the announcements on the intercom, and the departing and arriving planes, Kendall couldn't help but rub his temple to try and appease the headache he felt coming on.<p>

It had been a full hour since Flight WN27 arrived, but everyone that came out of the terminal was a stranger to Kendall. He knew international flights required a little more time, but by this point Kendall had grown very impatient.

Kendall, tired from standing and leaning over the railing, decided to take a seat in one of the available benches close to him. He slid down on the bench and slouched, bored out of his mind. He whipped out his iPhone along with his earphones and put them on, freeing him from the abrasive noises caused by the people around him.

Kendall skipped a bunch of songs before arriving to a personal favorite of his – _Drive_ by Incubus. He sang the words in his head and tapped his foot accordingly to the music.

When the song ended and the person he waited for still had not shown up, Kendall decided to call any of his close friends. On the alphabetical contact list his phone had, Carlos was the first close friend that caught Kendall's eye.

"Might as well…" he whispered to himself.

It started ringing next to his ear; within three rings, the Latino's familiar voice started talking.

"Hey, Kendall."

"Hey, Carlitos! What's up?"

"Are you here already? Just give me a couple more seconds, I'll be out before you know it."

"What are you…" Carlos had hung up. Confused, Kendall just stared at his phone, wondering what Carlos had just meant. That's when he heard his name being called out.

"Kendall!"

Kendall looked up to see the Latino he was just talking to coming out of the terminal with his luggage, true to his word. Utter bewilderment struck Kendall. He was expecting a girl with blonde hair and brown eyes to come out of the terminal, not a dark haired boy. He was expecting Jo. Why all of sudden is Carlos the one he was picking up?

"Sorry if you had to wait long. The customs check was a killer. Thanks for picking me up though," the Latino gave Kendall a pleasant smile. "Hold this." Carlos handed Kendall his luggage. He then proceeded to open his backpack to take out a shiny, round, black object that he normally placed on his head. "Can you believe I wasn't allowed to wear this during the flight? They let this woman with a giant sun hat wear hers but this I can't wear!" Carlos put his helmet on, and tapped on it. "Well, are we ready to go?"

"Uhm, yeah sure…" Kendall was still unable to process everything that was going on.

"Kenny, are you okay?"

"What? Oh yeah, I'm fine."

"Then let's go! I'm really hungry right now. I slept through the last few hours of the flight so no one served me lunch."

"Uh, sure we can go get some…uh, lunch if you'd like."

"That'd be great. Thanks, Kendall! You're the best."

"Uh, you're welcome."

The pair exited the gates of the airport. Carlos signaled for a taxi, and soon one stopped in front of them. Kendall helped Carlos store his luggage at the trunk of the car, still jumbled in the head. When they were both in the car, Carlos mentioned to the driver, "422 East Second Street please" and the taxi took off.

Kendall raised his eyebrow.

"Kendall, I know you're not a big fan of sushi, but this place is incredible. I've been thinking about going to this amazing sushi place at Downtown LA, and I thought this would be a good time to try it out." Carlos smiled at the blonde.

"Uh, okay…"

"Okay, Kendall, what's wrong? You don't sound like yourself. Aren't you happy to see me?"

What surprised Kendall the most was that he wasn't only happy to see Carlos. No, that word seemed too simple. He was ecstatic and overjoyed, thrilled and elated. But he was still flustered with questions. _Where was Jo? Was she still in New Zealand? When did Carlos leave the country?_

"No, of course I'm happy to see you," Kendall replied.

"Great! Because I am very happy to see you too." Carlos took the blonde's hand in his.

Kendall blushed when he felt the warmth of Carlos's palm against his. He didn't know why, but he being with Carlos gave him a sense of sweet contentment. Moreover, he couldn't believe that Carlos had successfully taken his mind off of Jo. He was awaiting her arrival at the airport, not Carlos's, but when he saw Carlos come out of the terminal, he felt okay. He wasn't heartbroken that Jo was nowhere to be seen; he was glad even that it was Carlos instead of Jo, and he could not rationalize as to why that was.

He felt the eyes of the driver of the taxi look at them through the rear-view mirror. But the stare wasn't cold. It was soft and welcoming. Kendall finally gave a smile and intertwined his fingers with the Latino's, then looked forward to the road in front of them.

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><p>Logan heard Kendall sigh in his sleep. He confirmed that Kendall was surely dreaming. He felt a bit jealous that Kendall was having a pleasant dream when his was a complete nightmare. He then wondered if Kendall was dreaming of a certain Latino, and felt even more jealous over the fact that the two were slowly but surely developing feelings for one another. Well, more of Kendall, because he has shown signs of affection for the Latino. Logan wasn't exactly sure if Carlos felt the same way about the blonde, but from everything that's happened so far between the two of them, Logan figured Carlos was either completely in love with Kendall and is yet to admit so, or completely clueless of his feelings.<p>

Logan gave his own sigh as he saw a small streak of orange forming past the mountains from his bedroom window. It had been an hour and a half since he woke up from his nightmare, and he was unable to get back to sleep since then.

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><p>Carnivals were a personal favorite of Carlos. He enjoyed the fun activities provided by each tent, and played as much of them as possible until he ran out of money. What he enjoyed the most about carnivals, however, was when he went to one with his three best friends. To Carlos, nothing beats having his friends enjoy carnival games with him.<p>

The boys decided to play skeeball first before exploring the rest of the festival. Carlos admitted to being probably the best player out of the four of them but failed to prove it during their game, ending up in third. Logan came in fourth due to overanalyzing the speed he needed to throw the ball and in which direction to do so, eventually running out of time before throwing his fourth ball. James and Kendall were doing remarkably well, outshining Carlos. In the end, Kendall's competitive side helped him triumph over James, pulling off a win against the pretty boy with fifty points ahead.

Up next, the four stopped by a trust fall stand. They didn't originally intend on stopping by and giving it a shot, but when the host of the event called them a bunch of scaredy cats and that their friendship wouldn't last due to the lack of trust, the four of them were at their ready to prove him wrong.

Logan was up first, making his way up the platform while Kendall waited, ready to catch his nerdy best friend. Logan was the most apprehensive about this, but he trusted Kendall. Logan held out his arms and fell back from the platform, his heart racing. He grew calm when he felt Kendall's arms catch his.

Then it was Carlos's turn. Carlos was sure that his best friend James would not have a problem in catching him. He got on the platform eagerly, and repeated Logan's actions. He didn't know that James had caught sight of a mirror, and being the self-absorbed being that he is, he had to look. Carlos landed on top of James, causing the taller boy to fall down as well and land on his bottom.

"Ow, Carlos!" James grunted as he got up and rubbed his behind.

"Why didn't you catch me?" Carlos retaliated.

"Why didn't you warn me?"

They heard the host chuckling from behind them, as well as Kendall and Logan. Carlos and James shot daggers at the people that were laughing, effectively causing them to stop their snickering.

The Ferris wheel was their next stop. The line was not too long, so the boys decided it was best to ride at that time before the line got any longer.

The ride sat two per car. After he was dropped by James during their attempt at the trust fall, Carlos chose Kendall to sit with during the ride. It was going swimmingly until the workers of the Ferris wheel asked Carlos to give up his helmet before he got on. Carlos attempted to protest, but the workers were strict–he can either ride without his helmet or not ride at all. Carlos slumped when he took his seat next to Kendall, his head feeling naked due to the lack of his helmet. Kendall simply laughed at the expression Carlos was giving, causing the Latino to pout more.

When they were seated and secured, as well as a few other pairs that were in line after them, the Ferris wheel started to rotate. Carlos was still upset over being helmet-less, but his agitation was lost when the ride suddenly stopped, Kendall's and Carlos's car stopping at the very top of the ride. Carlos's eyes grew wide.

"Unbelievable! I mean, c'mon now!" Kendall was shouting. He then took notice that Carlos was breathing heavily, "Hey Carlos, are you okay?"

Carlos was unresponsive; his eyes were just full blown and it sounded like he was silently hyperventilating. He never wanted to admit to anyone, but always had a slight fear of heights. He loved doing stunts, but anything that involved going over fifty feet, he would decline in a heartbeat.

"Carlos, you're not afraid of heights are you?" Kendall asked his trembling friend.

Carlos shook his head furiously, which took Kendall by surprise. "Kendall, I'm scared."

Kendall placed a steady hand on the Latino's shoulders, "Hey, it's okay, we're going to be fine."

"But what if we're stuck here for a long time! What if they can't fix the ride!" Carlos started to shout.

"Carlos, you have to calm down."

"No, I have to get down from here! I don't even have my helmet! Someone get me down from he-" Carlos's words were cut off when he felt a pair of lips smash against his. His eyes were still blown wide, but soon enough he melted into the kiss, and felt himself relax. Kendall broke off the contact and stared into the Latino's eyes.

"Kendall…what was that for?"

"You wouldn't calm down and you were shouting too much so I had to find a way to get you to ease up."

Carlos felt his cheeks start to blush and diverted his gaze away from Kendall. Suddenly, the ride started working again. Carlos remained quiet; he couldn't believe he just shared a kiss with Kendall. However, it didn't feel awkward or wrong; Carlos thought it actually felt really nice, and he kind of wanted Kendall to kiss him again, even if he was already calm and the ride was now properly working.

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><p>James wasn't bothered by how incredibly dark the room was. All his attention was focused on the figure he had pressed up against his bedroom door, the lips that were kissing his then moving to his jaw and tracing a line of kisses down it as well.<p>

While the figure remained constrained by the door and James's frame, James took notice of the lack of a certain…thing (well two things) in its chest area. He also took notice of semi-rough stubble as his chin grazed his liaison's. He couldn't believe it. He wasn't making out with a girl. His mystery lover for the evening was a dude.

James should have been freaking out over his sudden realization, but at the moment, he didn't care. It was just too incredibly hot for James to care.

He broke off the kiss for a few moments as he removed his lucky white v-neck from his heated body, letting the still cool air of the bedroom hit his skin and forcing out a small shiver down his spine. His evening flame assisted him in taking off his shirt and then proceeded to smash his lips against James's again. James didn't like the feeling of being the only one half naked, so he grabbed the collar of his mystery man and tore the shirt open, indifferent over the buttons that flew off of the polo in the process. Their lips never broke apart even when James grabbed his lover's hips and thighs and wrapped them around his waist, pinning him harder to the hard surface of the door.

James started to walk backwards, his lover still straddling his waist. His legs were caught by the edge of the bed, causing James to fall backwards right onto the soft padding of his mattress.

The air that filled the room was sultry–the main source of heat being the two bodies on James's bed, ravaging each other's mouths and touching each other's pleasure points. Muffled moans escaped their throats as each of their tongues continued to explore the crevice of the other's mouth. James was definitely aroused, there was no use denying it, but it seemed that his still unknown lusty lover didn't mind, because he too was turned on.

Labored breathing and soft cries of pleasure radiated throughout the room. James didn't know if Carlos was in the room, much less if anyone at all was at home. Someone could easily walk in on them, flip the light switch on and see the overt display of sexual tension and aggression they were both showcasing, and James would've died then and there if someone was to witness what was going on. But this–he couldn't stop it; nor did he want to. His mystery lover was an undeniably outstanding kisser, and the moans that escaped him kept James from stopping.

James couldn't help but arch his back and give a gasp when he felt a slick tongue run its course through his defined abs. His lover placed an index finger to his lips and repeated his action of licking James's glorious abdominals, James trying to keep quiet as instructed by the tongue's owner. _What a tease_.

James disliked the idea of being dominated, even if it felt really, really good. He rolled over so he now was on top, the figure writhing under his larger frame. It had to take some great skill to match what his lover had just done to him, but James would not turn down a challenge, especially if it involved something like this. James brought their lips together once more, but this time it was more forceful, lustful, and hungry, wanting more. He then moved on to his lover's earlobe and sucked on the flesh and a precious moan escaped his lover's mouth. James was really good at that. James proceeded to leave a trail of kisses on the side of his lover's neck, all the way down as he reached the shoulders, which were less broad than James's.

James wanted to claim his lover as only his, sucking on the tender flesh on his shoulder, hoping it would turn into a love mark when their hot session was over. James soon moved down to his lover's pectorals, leaving small kisses here and there until he reached the abdomen. Knowing how good it felt to have his abs licked all over, James held out his tongue and slid it across the smooth skin.

"James…" his lover moaned.

James should have immediately stopped and stormed out. He knew that voice; he's heard it so many times before. He couldn't believe he was making out with the owner of that voice, but he didn't stop. He couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop, ever, despite his recognition of that voice.

That voice. It belonged to Logan.

"James!" Carlos shouted right next to his sleeping best friend's ear.

James shot up from his bed, eyes bloodshot and barely open and hair in an absolute mess. The light that came in through the window made James squint some more.

"Wake up, dude. We have early rehearsals today. Do you need help getting up?"

To James, getting out of bed was one of the hardest things to do. He would have loved to take up Carlos on his offer, but James was only wearing boxers for bottoms and he didn't want Carlos to see that some_thing_ was up.

"No, I'm good." James was still groggy and it showed through the coarseness of his voice.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Carlos! I'm fine." He didn't want to yell at the Latino, but right now all he wanted was for Carlos to leave his room and do something with his problem down there. He was thankful that his blanket was currently hiding his shame.

"Okay…fine then." And with that, Carlos was out of the room.

Each of the boys kept their dreams to themselves, seeing how symbolic each of their dreams meant if they thought about it. They tried to play it cool through breakfast, but Katie took notice of their somewhat uneasy behavior. Rehearsals today were going to be very interesting.

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><p><strong>There you have it. Everyone was able to follow right? I must admit, I loved the dreams I gave each of the guys. I couldn't help but give poor Logan a nightmare though. Was James's dream sequence okay? I wasn't too confident on that one. I tried hard to make it not sound like smut because this story will remain rated T. Well, anyway, thanks for reading! Kindly write a review!<strong>


	8. Back to Square One

**A/N: Hey everyone! So I have a lot of explaining to do for not updating this story in almost two months. I knew it was going to happen, but I completely forgot to leave a note that said it would take awhile for me to update. I've been really busy with doing my college essays and applications, and getting into a good school is my priority right now. My profile says I'm on hiatus, but I've been giving myself at least five minutes a day to write. And I eventually came up with this.**

**By the way, I made a Jagan one-shot called **_**What Started It All**_**. It's a prequel chapter to one of the multi-fics I will soon be working on after this story, **_**Friends with Benefits**_**. Plus, it's was my first attempt at smut! If you haven't already, please check it out and leave a review as well! I love reviews :) I might end up just combining it with **_**Friends with Benefits**_**, just saying..**

**I don't feel like this was my best chapter. Even if this chapter took the LONGEST time to finish, I still feel it was a bit rushed. And I feel like this chapter seems repetitive of what's already happened…but this was what I played out in my head. So bear with me on this chapter.**

**Also, I don't exactly know who sings the second verse of **_**Blow Your Speakers**_**, James or Kendall, because it seriously sounds like it could be either one of them, but it looks like people on YouTube think it's Kendall for the most part, and that's what I'll be working with. And this story completely does not parallel how they actually recorded the song (after just seeing Big Time Superheroes)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. No copyright infringement intended with using **_**Blow Your Speakers, **_**even if it's just mentioned. I do own this plot.**

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><p>Shivers ran through James's entire body as he showered, even with hot water running and landing to caress his tanned skin.<p>

_It was just a stupid dream. It didn't have to mean a thing. It doesn't mean a thing.__  
><em>  
>James wanted nothing more than to take a swing at the tiles of the bathroom wall, but he managed to contain his anger somehow. Breakfast not too long ago was, for the lack of a better term, awkward, having the boy he just had a very evocative dream about eating right across from where he sat. It seemed each one of the guys felt the same way, as the only interaction that occurred at the table was between Mrs. Knight and Katie. He didn't hear a single thing they were talking about, nor did he even want to. James just wanted to finish the food in front of him and hit the shower, hopefully to forget…the dream.<p>

But there he was, doing the exact opposite of what he hoped he would do, the dream still fresh in his head. And it was driving him insane.

_Just when things were coming back to normal_. In truth, James missed his normal interactions with Logan; from their conversations regarding girls, with James having one story for many obsessed girls while Logan having many stories of one obsessed girl, namely Camille, to their future plans as a band. Heck, he missed playfully quarreling with the boy like they did with the sneakers, or being caught in embarrassing situations like they did at prom. And to think, everything has changed from one kiss that escalated to something James never thought it would.

Maybe he was just overreacting. Maybe everything that's happened so far can be justified. He knew it wasn't really Logan who initiated the kiss they accidentally shared; the smart boy's lips just looked so inviting at the time being. It was an impetuous action, what with their faces so close to each other like that. As for his failed date with Amy…well, it's not like every date he's been to went swimmingly. James was just distracted, and it just so happened that he was distracted with thoughts of Logan; that didn't have to mean anything either. Now as for the dream, James was sure there was a pretty logical explanation why he would fantasize something so vivid and expressive, an explanation that Logan could definitely conjure up…

_*slam*__  
><em>  
>At that point, James was no longer able to contain his anger, finally punching the wall in front of him. What is it about Logan that makes it so easy for James's thoughts to be invaded like that? He couldn't focus on his date with Amy because of Logan, and now he was sure he just broke a knuckle or two or something from thinking about Logan. Surely he couldn't be having romantic feelings for the smart boy…could he? That would mean he was gay…<p>

James shook his head vigorously, instantly dismissing the idea. No way. He was James Diamond, ladies man of Big Time Rush. That's the persona he's keeping, and none else.

It took little time for James to decide that what he needed was another date. Obviously the whole Amy thing didn't work out, but that's all part of the dating process…isn't it? James has had failed dates before, and he's simply moved on from one girl to the other. It took him one afternoon to find Amy somewhere within the vicinity of the Palm Woods. With the promising number of girls around the area, it should not be that hard to find another like her, right?

James hissed as he forced broken carpals into a clenched fist. His mind was set. He would find another date, maybe two, any number it would take to keep him out of the dangerous thoughts in his head. He's attempted it before, but it wasn't as successful as he liked. Now, he needed to be successful. He just had to be…

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><p>Logan anxiously waited for his phone to ring, all the while waiting for everyone else in the band to get ready for rehearsals that Gustavo suddenly scheduled that morning. Logan was first to receive Kelly's call, a loud piercing ringtone coming from his phone at exactly seven in the morning. Ever since Logan woke up from his nightmare, he was unable to fall asleep again for the remainder of the morning, thus was instantly able to answer Kelly's call.<p>

But he was not waiting for another call from Gustavo's female assistant. His unease came from waiting for a text message from Camille.

Logan's mind was restless ever since he had woken up. His dream had effectively scared him, seeing as how ridiculously symbolic it was to his feelings towards James. He had recently come into terms that he was, without a doubt, falling for the pretty boy, but Logan had continuously convinced himself that James would never return such feelings. With this in mind, Logan had to find a way to get over James before he went ballistic. He deemed the dream as phase one of many that will lead him to his own path to destruction.

He didn't exactly know if it was the right thing to do, but Logan decided to text Camille and tell her everything that's happened so far ever since their talk not too many days ago, from the part where James introduced Amy, to where he and James made amends to their friendship, as well as the dream he had last night. Before Logan realized what he had done, the text message had already sent. Now he just had to wait for Camille's reaction. The text message was lengthy, as Logan described the events in great detail, adding on to the surprise that he didn't realize soon enough everything he was about to tell Camille.

As the nerves continued to set in, Logan's phone vibrated in his hand and its screen lit up. Logan unlocked the screen lock with shaking fingers and much haste, opened the message and proceeded to read it.

_Logan, you need to calm down…You have to tell him how you feel._

Logan felt a tinge of anger at the response and instantly replied, _Like that's easy.__  
><em>  
><em>Well it's better than going crazy about not knowing how he feels about you.<em>

When it took Logan more than two minutes to come up with what to say, Camille had already sent another text.

_Fine. Well, okay. Tell you what. If James gives you a clear-cut sign that he shows he has absolutely no interest in you, tell me._

_Why?_

_Just tell me, okay? Listen I have to get ready. Steve is picking me up soon. Text me later._

Logan couldn't help but throw his phone to the other side of the couch and bury his face in his hands, partly due to frustration, but also due to this looming feeling of anxiety over what his next move should be. He wanted to tell James his feelings, badly, but he has done such a swell job in building their friendship somewhat back to the way it was, and Logan did not want anything to ruin it; especially anything that was directly caused by him.

The lock of the downstairs bathroom door clicked open, and the door swung open, revealing a freshly showered James with damped hair and clothed in his usual black tank and sweats.

Logan blushed at the sight of the boy before him, the tank top wrapped tightly around James's muscular body. He couldn't help but stare at the pretty boy's bulging biceps, the slight tint of pink gracing James's cheeks, the boy's defined jaw line, and his hair in disarray. Logan definitely saw James as someone physically attractive; how he wished his attraction stopped there–but it didn't. And the idea terrified him like no other.

He knew Camille was right. He had to tell James. It didn't have to be then and there, but it had to be sometime soon, before he completely loses all rational thinking and does something totally irrational. For now, all he had to do was talk to James, assure that their friendship was stable once again before he does something bold and daring that would jeopardize their friendship.

James exited the bathroom and started to head back upstairs. Logan doesn't know why, nor does he care, but he made a split decision to get up from the couch and talk to James. He didn't know exactly what to say, but he just wanted some form of interaction with the taller boy.

"Um…James?"

"Hey Logan." James did not turn to him, nor did he stop in his tracks to talk to him properly. He simply gave Logan a cold shoulder as he continued his way back to his room to change into a fresh pair of clothes.

Logan felt it; the feeling that he dreaded would present itself once again. James was ignoring him again. He grew familiar with that feeling the few days that followed his kiss with James, and now that it's back, with no idea as to why it has returned, Logan felt like he was about to shatter to a million pieces again. Even if no one was in the living room with him anymore, he still fought back tears that tried to fall from his eyes.

Kendall popped out of the opening of the twisty slide and noticed Logan standing there, completely stationary. "Logan?"

Logan did not respond right away, causing Kendall to do his classic one-eyebrow-raised face. "Hi Kendall…" Logan finally replied with a somber tone and retreated to his spot on the couch. Kendall didn't have to be familiar with the shorter boy all too well to know that something was definitely wrong with Logan, again.

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><p>"Gustavo this is not fair!" James yelled at their record producer through the glass of the recording room.<p>

"Cry me a river, pretty boy!"

James grunted and returned behind his microphone next to Carlos. Gustavo gave the four boys a new song to work with, but upon reading through it and realizing his lack of lines, James couldn't help but feel anger run through him.

Logan took notice of James's frustration. He didn't have that many lines to sing either, but he hardly gave any care. He never received that many lines to a new song on a regular basis anyways, so he was not too surprised when he found out he only had two lines to remember and sing. He didn't feel like singing much today either – definitely not after what happened earlier that morning. Logan knew that James, on the other hand, loved basking in the limelight, so having no other phrase other than an extended "oh" for a melodic effect was definitely taking a toll on the pretty boy. Logan wanted nothing more than to comfort James and praise his talents as a singer to assure the pretty boy of his talents and potential, but from what he's gathered, James had no intention of talking to Logan at all that day. And the thought of it just hurt him and put him off a singing mood all the more.

Gustavo gave the boys a final nod before he pressed the record button.

_Blow Your Speakers _seemed to be going well. Kendall had no problem with singing his parts, as did Carlos. But when the bridge came around and it was Logan's turn to sing and stutters and wrong lyrics came out of his mouth, Gustavo grew frustrated and made everyone start from the beginning. When the same thing happened and the same result came from the smart boy, Gustavo snapped.

"Stop!" Gustavo's voice thundered through the recording room, causing the boys to clutch and cover their ears. "Logan, what on earth was that?"

Logan did not quite register Gustavo's words right away, being too preoccupied with thoughts of his own. With a nudge to his side from Kendall, Logan snapped back and saw the Gustavo was glaring at him through the glass, a stare Logan thought was strong enough to break the glass that separated them.

"I'm sorry…," was all Logan could muster.

Gustavo grunted in frustration. "Once again…from the top! You better get your act together Logan!"

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><p>Much to their surprise, Gustavo ended their recording session earlier than normal. They finished recording the song longer than anticipated, and since they had to redo it so many times, they were expecting their producer to lengthen their rehearsal time, probably to do some melodies or learn new dance moves or something. But when Gustavo told the boys that he simply needed to have a word with them, Kendall, Carlos, and James all took the news rather lightly, while Logan was a bit more apprehensive. He knew he didn't sing his best today; he just hoped that Gustavo was not about to berate him in their little talk.<p>

Gustavo shut his office door with much force, causing the boys to jump slightly from their seats. Even Kelly thought that Gustavo's constant door slamming was really unnecessary.

Logan was expecting Gustavo's mad dog voice, but when Gustavo started talking calmly, he was pleasantly surprised and all the more relieved.

"Now believe it or not, once or twice, I will decide to be nice to you guys." Gustavo was holding something behind his back, keeping it away from any of the boys' view. Kendall tilted his head sideways to see past Gustavo's large frame in an attempt to see what he was being furtive about, but failed as he caught Gustavo staring daggers at him. At the end of his statement, Gustavo brought his hand in front of the boys, revealing an envelope. "This envelope holds two full day admission tickets to none other than...Kelly drum roll please."

Kelly sighed and gave Gustavo an 'are-you-kidding-me' look.

"...Okay then. As I was saying, this envelope contains two full day admissions to..." Gustavo opened the envelope and snatched the two rectangular pieces of paper inside. "Disneyland."

Carlos's face instantly lit up upon hearing the name.

"Realize that I said two, so unfortunately only two of the four of you gets to go." Gustavo commented.

It was a bittersweet deal, but Carlos still wanted to have one of the tickets regardless, despite it meaning he would only be able to spend the day at Disneyland with one friend.

Kendall was a bit skeptical of their producer's new found generous disposition and couldn't help but question it. "Why would you, all of a sudden, give us, any of us, something like Disneyland tickets?"

"Can't a producer be nice to his dogs every once in a while?" Gustavo said in a manner almost caustic, which did not go unnoticed to Kendall.

"A producer can," Kendall rose from his seat, "you can't. Now let's be honest, Gustavo, what's with the tickets?"

Gustavo scoffed, "I just happened to have some that I no longer need."

"_Or_," Kelly interrupted, "he bought two tickets for him and his niece, and as it turns out…his niece doesn't like big uncle Gustavo all that much." Kelly proceeded to pinch the so-called 'lone wolf' on his rather corpulent cheek that already started to turn pink.

"That's enough, Kelly." Gustavo swatted Kelly's hand off of his face.

Kendall smirked, content with the truth he just heard. Kelly started to walk out of the room, sharing the same smug look as Kendall had.

"Do you dogs want the tickets or not? Because I have other nieces and nephews I know would be really excited to go with their uncle Gustavo."

"No you don't," Kelly slipped in the line before she slipped out of the door, keeping the smile she had on her face.

"That's enough, Kelly!" Gustavo roared. After finding some composure, he turned back to the boys. "Well…?"

"We'll take them." Kendall tried to swipe the envelope from Gustavo's fingers, but Gustavo demonstrated that he has his share of quick reflexes and evaded Kendall's attempt. "Not so fast eyebrows. First of all, we have to fairly decide who gets these babies."

Kendall felt a little insulted with the new nickname Gustavo had given him, but he just let it pass. "Fine. How about…a round of foosball?" Kendall suggested.

The other boys, well mostly Carlos, didn't seem to mind the idea. James showed a look of apathy while Logan was fidgeting in his seat.

"Fine…Carlos! Pick your teammate." Gustavo suddenly yelled at the raven-haired boy.

"Kendall." The name escaped Carlos's lips without much thought, consideration, or hesitation. One of James' eyebrows was raised while both of Kendall's were shot up; Logan's jaw dropped a few centimeters and stared at the shorter boy with much confusion and astonishment; even Gustavo was taken aback at the helmeted band member's decision for a partner. Carlos was surprised himself, not knowing how he came about in suddenly choosing Kendall over Logan and especially James, his supposed best friend.

"Well…okay. Carlos you're with Kendall. And James and Logan…that means you two are teammates."

Logan looked at Carlos, who in turn mouthed a sorry. Logan couldn't blame Carlos for his snap decision. He knew the Latino had grown very, very fond of Kendall, and is yet to realize that a sense of affection for said blonde is lingering somewhere. In some ways, he was actually jealous of Carlos. Although completely heedless of his true feelings, Carlos actually wanted to spend more time with Kendall now more than ever and in the process, he unknowingly explores these feelings that he doesn't even know he has for the blonde. Logan wished James acted the same, that instead of ignoring the smart boy, he would actually take the time to talk to him. But that hasn't happened. Logan thought he made some progress by gaining James's friendship back, but now it feels like everything was back to square one – that being James hardly acknowledging Logan again.

"Logan are you coming or not?" Kendall asked his best friend, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts again. Too many times this has happened, and Kendall thought that Logan had been improving, but today it's back, and without Logan not wanting to admit to anything, Kendall felt a bit helpless and unable to console the smart boy. "We're just waiting on you, buddy…"

"…huh? Oh, sorry…I'll be right there."

Logan unenthusiastically joined the other three boys by the foosball table Gustavo had generously added for the boys' enjoyment. He took a spot next to James, who apparently was now his teammate, and Logan could not be any more uncomfortable then and there. To be honest, he didn't even want Gustavo's prize of Disneyland tickets. He might as well just give it to Carlos and Kendall, so they wouldn't have to play an uneasy round of foosball.

"The rules are simple. The team that gets five points first…wins," Carlos exclaimed, excitement clear in his voice. Logan gave a barely visible smile at his enthusiastic friend, and he wished he was as happy and enthralled as Carlos was at the moment.

"Logan!" James shouted. Somehow Logan had been completely unaware that Carlos had already placed the ball inside the table and shot the first goal. _Was James actually taking this seriously?__  
><em>  
>"Team K and C one, Team J and L zero!" Carlos pointed out.<p>

It took a while for each team to score goals in their favor, but when Kendall scored another goal for his team, he and Carlos were one away from winning the big prize.

"Dogs, can we hurry it up a bit here? I have better things to do." Gustavo said, impatient.

"Don't worry Gustavo. Kendall and I have one goal left to score. This'll be over before you know it." Carlos stuck his tongue out as he focused in on the ball.

Logan was expecting some sort of comeback from James, but when James remained silent and focused on the task at hand, Logan simply followed suit.

"_Ow_!"

The playing ceased at James's scream, well all except Carlos who managed to score the final goal before he looked to James's direction.

James was grasping his hand and hissing in pain.

"Dude, what happened?" Kendall asked.

It was most likely his doctoral instincts that kicked in, but Logan approached James and took his wrist in his own hands, looking for any signs of broken bones. "Are you okay?"

James seized his hand back with much speed and force and muttered "I'm fine." and simply walked away to somewhere else in the studio, leaving everyone else behind.

There was a silence, until Gustavo broke it. "What was that?" Gustavo asked, surprised with James's actions.

Nobody had an answer, nobody but Logan, but he remained quiet. Kendall had a good guess as to what happened but he wasn't too sure, but he knew he definitely needed to talk to Logan later. And maybe even James.

"Anyway, I guess that means Carlos and Kendall win the tickets. Here." Gustavo gave Carlos the envelope, who then just stared at it and the glory and promise it held inside.

Carlos's excitement relieved some of the tension in the room, and even brought out a smile from Kendall and Logan. But they both knew it was a temporary thing.

* * *

><p>"Rough day?" Kendall noticed how Logan simply slumped onto his bed. He noticed it earlier in the day as well, but he never got a chance to ask.<p>

"That's one way to put it."

"Is James giving you a hard time again?"

Logan simply stared off to the side, refusing to look at Kendall at the moment. He didn't want to answer, even though not saying anything made his answer that much more obvious.

"If anything happened, I think you should tell me."

"Nothing happened, Kendall. I'm just tired."

"Well if nothing happened, will you care to explain what happened during rehearsals today? And after that foosball match?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come on, Logan. Don't try to fool me. You're not really that discreet with your feelings," Kendall sat next to Logan on his bed, "what happened this time?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

Logan lifted himself off of his bed so that he was now in a sitting position like Kendall was. "What I mean is... I really don't know. I thought James and I were on good terms again and I thought that it was actually time to tell him that I had feelings for him but this morning when I tried talking to him he just ignored me and I don't even know what I did wrong..."

It was a handful to take into his ears, and Kendall had to replay everything he just heard to fully understand what Logan had said. "Wait you were going to James how you feel about him?"

"Yeah, I thought I was..."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"It's not your fault."

"Anything I can do to make you feel better? You want me to talk to James?"

"No, please... Don't do that. He's gonna think I made you talk to him."

"I highly doubt that but fine, I won't talk to him if you don't want me to. Do you want my Disneyland ticket?"

"What? No! I couldn't do that to you, or Carlos for that matter."

Kendall felt himself blush a little bit. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... I don't want to get in the way of your date with Carlos." With that, Logan grinned, somewhat proudly.

Kendall blushed harder and his eyes widened. "What date? This isn't a date!"

"Oh please, it is so a date. And don't even pretend you don't want it to be treated as one." Logan was full of smiles now, which was a nice change from the tension he felt not too long ago. And Kendall... well Kendall was out of words for a change.

"You're not too discreet with your feelings as well."

"I-uhh, don't even-"

"And you thought I wouldn't catch it. You do know that I am the smart one right? I know why you chose that other girl instead of the blonde during our double date. And I saw how you blushed when you helped him swing that golf club."

Kendall's eyes could not have gotten any wider at this point, and Logan couldn't help but chuckle. Kendall took Logan's laughter as somewhat insulting, making him blurt out a "Shut up!" to his best friend.

"You know, I have a safe bet that he likes you too."

"Yeah right."

"I'm being serious!"

"It's not possible Logan. Carlos sees me like a big brother. Anything past that or past a friendship will just seem weird to him."

"Well I thought the same about James until we kissed." Logan didn't mean to imply anything with his statement, but Kendall caught it and read into it.

"What are you suggesting?"

Logan didn't know why, but he started laughing quite hardly. It took a while for Logan to stop laughing; when he did, he let out an apology, but Kendall couldn't take him seriously.

"I'm going to bed." Kendall said, trying to forget everything Logan had said. He was glad that Logan was now laughing, even if his embarrassment was the expense.

"Aw, don't be like that Kendall. You know I'm just messing with you."

"Oh I know. But I'm sleeping regardless," Kendall stood up from Logan's bed and made his way towards his own. He climbed in and settled himself underneath his sheets. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kendall." Logan said with a smile, which Kendall didn't even see. But it didn't matter. Logan was just happy that he managed to once again get past the fact that James was ignoring him again.

It hurt the first time James did it and now, the second time around, Logan felt something much worse than just pain. He didn't know how to describe it and he didn't feel the need to; he just wanted it gone.

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><p>Logan laid his head on his pillow. Fatigue had set in, and Logan's eyelids started to feel heavy. It was only a matter of time before the smart boy would fall into a deep sleep, and seeing how it was 1:07 in the morning, he should be about ready to taste sweet slumber.<p>

But when his phone suddenly vibrated, Logan jolted awake. He had been a bit on edge the entire night even if he was extremely tired, thus unable to sleep before midnight. Kendall already told him goodnight a good two hours ago and was already snoring on the other side of the room.

Logan knew who the text message was likely from, and although he would have appreciated her not texting him at this hour, he did actually want to talk to her, well at the moment, talk to anyone really.

_So how did it go?_Camille's message was brief and to the point, but imposed a very overwhelming feel to Logan on the grounds that he had to reminisce the mess he went through the day.

_It's not gonna happen._

_Did you tell him?_

_I didn't have to…He made it pretty clear that he has absolutely no interest in me…_

_Seriously? I highly doubt that._

_No, I'm being completely serious._

_Aww, Logan I'm sorry. Hey you should meet me tomorrow at the pool at around 3._

Logan grew a bit tired of hearing an apology from someone who had no fault at what happened. Besides that, he was a bit curious as to why Camille wanted to meet up tomorrow.

_Not your fault. Wait what's by the pool at 3 tomorrow?_

_It's a surprise ;)_

_What surprise?_

Logan waited for another reply, but when one didn't show after thirty minutes, Logan let himself get some much needed rest.

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><p><strong>Once again, I am so sorry for the delay. I hope I didn't do too bad with this chapter. With the stress of applying for college and stuff like that, I barely have time to write now (but I do still read fics…whoops). Anyways, please leave a review! I absolutely love reviews! They're the best things to get when you're a writer, so the turnout for Chapter 7 really pleased me :3 Oh, and don't forget to check out <strong>_**What Started It All**_**. I sure hope Chapter 9 won't take as long to publish as this chapter did.**


	9. Dinner Plans

**A/N: I fail. I said Chapter 9 wouldn't take as long as Chapter 8 did (which took about two months to put up), and now, two months after Chapter 8 was up, comes Chapter 9. So sorry for the long wait, again. But now it's winter break for me which means more time to write which means faster updates! (I hope.) Maybe consider this as a late Christmas present from me? No? Okay...**

**As much as I hate making OC's, I had to. So sorry to anyone who hates OC's. Don't worry, he won't be staying for too long either.**

**Thank you for all those that left a review! I feel bad because I've only been thanking people who have left a review for this story though. Completely have been forgetting those who added this to their favorites and their story alerts! Thank you guys too!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. I do own this plot.**

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><p>Amidst the buzzing residents of the Palmwoods scattered around the pool was Logan, anxious and fidgety, waiting for a certain girl and the surprise she promised him, all the while buried in thoughts of his own. To say that Logan felt troubled over the roller coaster ride he has experienced over the past few days would be an understatement. He never imagined being put under such a situation, dealing with feelings for a best friend he never dreamt of having with the added burden of being subject to the mixed signals he's been getting from said best friend. It overwhelmed him to say the least. But it was a new day. Kendall and Carlos had made plans to buy matching shirts to wear to their Disneyland trip the following day and James…well, James was nowhere to be found. Logan didn't know if he should be relieved or worried over that.<p>

"Logan!"

Logan looked to see Camille approaching with peppy strides and an ecstatic expression.

"Hey, Camille. I'm here. What's the surprise?"

Camille didn't answer him. She simply started dragging Logan by his wrist.

"Can you tell me why the heck am I being dragged against my will?" Logan questioned as he watched the floor below him, trying to match Camille's footsteps to avoid tripping.

"Ask questions later. You don't want to keep him waiting do you?"

"Keep who waiting?"

Camille remained silent. She brought the two of them to a stop and shouted, "Derek!" and waved.

A figure not too far from them turned, and instantly flashed them a smile. Logan would be lying if he said that the boy failed to capture his attention. He didn't even realize that Camille was now pushing him forward, inching him closer to this new Derek fellow.

The boy was even prettier up close. His beach blonde locks were neatly slicked up in the front, perfectly complimenting his striking facial features. He had a strong jaw that led to a slightly pointed chin. He had enticingly full lips that were in a crooked smile. But what Logan couldn't help staring blankly at were the boy's eyes. They were of a mesmerizing blue color, much like a crystal clear beach on a perfect summer's day. Well, Logan might be getting carried away with the descriptions in his head, but Logan knew his jaw had dropped a little, and he knew he was blushing. Derek being in a solid gray tank top that revealed nicely muscled arms and cargo shorts did not help either.

"Hi, I'm Derek." Derek said, holding out a hand to Logan.

Logan took the boy's hand in his and shook it. Or at least attempted to. He was pretty sure he was frozen in place. "Hi I'm…uh…"

"Logan." Camille finished.

Logan could only smile. "Yeah, what she said." Logan and Derek shared a laugh while Camille rolled her eyes.

"Well that was easier than I thought. My work here is done." She gave both boys two pats on the back and started to walk away.

"Wait, what?" Logan exclaimed.

Camille didn't turn her head. She just waved at them from where she was. "I'll let the two of you get acquainted. I have other important things to attend to."

Logan could tell Camille was lying. But it was too late to run after her and have her explain herself. Out of everything she could possibly come up with, this was her idea? Set him up with some random guy without his consent? Logan didn't even know if he was attracted to other guys. It was just James that threw him off. But he had to admit that this Derek kid right next to him was undeniably attractive. He could even say that Derek can give James a definite run for his money. Maybe Logan was attracted to other guys. But that wasn't the issue.

"Shall we?" Derek asked with a pleasant smile.

Logan gave a smile back, a slight shade of red still on his cheeks. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe this was what he needed. The entire thing with James was throwing him out of sorts. Maybe a break from him could be what turns everything around. He's honestly grown tired with how James has been treating him and Derek seemed like a nice and sincere guy. Why not give it a shot?

But somehow, Logan felt guilty just by spending time with Derek at the time being. Logan felt like it's as if he was betraying James for some reason, which seems silly considering not once have he and James dated. So what's with the guilt?

"Uh…sure." Logan answered with a smile that matched Derek's. It was a rash decision, guilt still presiding, but Logan figured since he's not in any means barred from enjoying the company of other guys, James had no control over what he does or who he spends time with. It's not like Logan had fallen head over heels for Derek, he just found him really attractive. James might even be relieved that Logan found a new potential romantic interest.

Derek took Logan's hand in his and squeezed. The warmth of Derek's palm felt so comforting, felt so nice. Yeah, even though he wasn't entirely sure this was the best thing to do, Logan didn't care. He was going to make the most out of this.

Derek led Logan back to the Palmwoods pool area and ushered him into a seat.

"So tell me a little bit about yourself Logan." Derek asked.

At first Logan felt a bit dumbfounded. It was a simple question, yet he didn't know what to really talk about. "Well, I uh…"

"You're really cute when you do that, you know?" Derek smiled.

Logan blushed even harder. Whether it was from embarrassment or from the flirting, he couldn't determine. "Thanks?" was what he was able to come up with.

Derek grinned. "Okay, okay, to make it easier on you, I'll start. My name is Derek, as you already know. I used to live in Austin, Texas and my family and I moved here to LA roughly around four years ago. I actually am an inspiring musician. I just haven't been discovered…yet."

Logan chuckled.

"I have two siblings who still live in Austin. I have a pet dog named Sparky. I used to have a hamster when I was a kid but my mom told me he had run off…"

"Is all that even true?" Logan inquired.

Derek chuckled. "Okay, okay you caught me. I was bluffing at the end a little bit. But I do have two siblings back in Austin. The dog and the hamster…not so much."

Logan continued a gentle laughter but avoided Derek's gaze. This was definitely nice. Pleasant conversation, even with a stranger he had just met not too long ago, was a refreshing change of scenery from all the confusion and heartache he endured from James. James right now was at the bottom of Logan's list of things to care about. And Derek had priority. He just wasn't too sure if he felt okay with that.

"…So? I believe it's your turn."

Logan knew he had no way around this so he might as well give a formal introduction of himself. "Well, I'm Logan Mitchell. I'm from Minnesota. Um…I'm in a band called Big Time Rush. Uh…I want to take up medicine…" Logan started to rub the back of his neck as he felt his cheeks heat up.

"Wow…You are not good at this." Derek laughed.

"Hey, I'm…this…well…"

"Don't you worry. Like I said, you're cute when you're embarrassed." Derek grinned again.

Logan had to admit, Derek was quite the charmer. Just minutes after their 'fateful' encounter, Logan has repeatedly blushed more times than he's ever had before in such a short amount of time. They continued their conversation, drowning out the noise made by the people around them.

* * *

><p>James felt annoyed. It was barely four in the afternoon and he was just sitting in their apartment, mindlessly flipping through channels on the television. He was outside earlier, trying to find a lovely lady to spend the rest of the day with, but what James found was that he had lost his charm and natural charisma. Each girl he attempted to make his move on, so to speak, turned him down either by just walking away, or pretending to get a phone call, or, the worst of them all, gave him a number, leaving James with a glimmer of hope that he hasn't completely lost it, but it turned out to be a fake one when he tried calling later on, leaving him more depressed than before. Having five zero's in one number did seem a bit suspicious.<p>

The television wasn't helping. It's not that not a single good show was on, it just wouldn't distract him from his...issues. With a flick of his wrist, he checked the time on his watch. Five past four. James wanted to strangle something. He needed something, anything to relieve him of...whatever this was. He knew it had to do with him not being able to flirt any longer or Logan, and it was more likely the latter so he doesn't entertain the idea.

Boredom pressed on, and eventually hunger came along with it. James heard his stomach grumble, and off to the fridge he went. He paused upon hearing mumbling coming from outside the main door. Curious, he pressed his ear on the wooden surface. It was Logan...and another voice that he didn't recognize.

"Well it was nice getting to know you Mr. Logan Mitchell."

"And you Mr. Derek...Uh..."

_Derek? Who the hell is Derek?_James thought.

"It's Jones. Derek Jones."

They shared a hearty laugh before Logan gave a sigh. "Well this is me right here..."

"Oh, do you think I can meet the other members of your band? I mean if it's not any trouble."

It became silent for a bit. James guessed Logan was actually considering it.

"It's not my band, but yeah, that wouldn't be a bad idea at all. You can make a couple of new friends today too."

James didn't need to hear another word. He bolted to the couch and resumed to surfing channels, attempting to look busy and not look like he was guilty of eavesdropping on Logan and..._was it Derek?_

The apartment door opened and in came Logan, looking a bit apprehensive on having taken a guest home without Mrs. Knight's presence or knowledge. A second pair of feet soon followed. They made their way past the apartment's foyer and into the main room before Logan spotted James.

"Oh, hi James. Um, I'd like you to meet someone." Logan said to the taller boy spread out on the couch.

James grunted in the back of his head. He should've played the television a little louder so he didn't have to hear what Logan said. Is a formal introduction really necessary here? James already knew the guy's name, what else does he need? James sighed inaudibly, rose from the couch and decided to take a look at this Derek fellow. James was expecting some regular boy with looks decent enough to pass in Hollywood, but Derek was nothing of the sort. Even James had to admit, the young man right next to Logan was quite good-looking, and that said something coming from James. And in that instant James saw Derek, he hated him. But he forced a friendly face on, for Logan's sake.

"Hi, James. I'm Derek. Pleasure to meet you." Derek extended a hand in James's direction.

James didn't really want to, but it was a bit rude to deny a friendly, introductory handshake. "Hey…likewise." James mumbled as he shook the stranger's hand.

The silence following the handshake was definitely awkward.

"So...I guess I'll go back to what I was watching." James stated as he pointed to the television.

Logan chanced a look at what James was watching and grew a bit perplexed. "James, that's an infomercial on cooking knives."

James checked the screen, and what Logan said was true. "I was just flipping through. My show was on a commercial break." James replied, trying to pass off an excuse. It was actually a legitimate one, and James even surprised himself that he was able to think of it so quickly off the top of his head. James made his way back to couch, victorious, leaving Logan and Derek behind to mingle amongst themselves with a matter that James could care less about.

* * *

><p>To Logan, that wasn't really the best of introductions, but it sufficed nonetheless.<p>

"So, where is everyone else?" Derek inquired.

"Um, They should be back by now. Say, James? Are Kendall and Carlos back?"

"Nope." James said in reply.

"Do you know where Mama Knight and Katie are?"

"Have no idea, dude. Sorry."

Derek raised an eyebrow at Logan, who in turn shrugged.

"Well…I don't think I have a reason to stay."

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"But you are still up for dinner later right?"

Logan hesitated. "Of course."

"So I'll pick you up at seven thirty?"

"Sounds good." Logan gave a faint smile.

"Alright." Derek took a last look at James. "I'll see you later James."

James waved the back of his hand to Derek and Logan's general direction, eyes still glued to the television screen. And with that, Derek was gone.

Logan wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. He was a bit offended with James's behavior. He knew James had no desire to talk to him, but it didn't give James the right to just ignore a guest like that. But Logan was still a bit distressed with talking to James, so as much as he wanted to confront him about his rude greeting, he'd rather remain quiet and yield from talking to him at all.

"So who's Derek?"

Besides, it seemed like James actually wanted to talk this time. James muted the television to face Logan, an indecipherable look on him.

"He's a friend of Camille's."

"You're going to dinner with him tonight?"

"Yes... Is that okay?"

"Why wouldn't that be okay?" James asked, his tone deeper and slightly vexed from the implication presented by Logan's question.

It took a bit of thinking before Logan could register what the question suggested. "I mean, because you know, Kendall and Carlos might not be back by then and I don't think there's any dinner ready and you'd be alone..."

"I'll be fine. Go have fun on your dinner." James concluded with a voice more menacing than necessary, heading back towards the television to resume watching.

Logan was silent. James had done it again. He was able to make Logan feel guilty when all he did was make plans with a new friend. Nothing more. Sure, it sounded like a date, but James had, either way, no reason to get mad over it, _right_? That was hardly a valiant effort on both of their parts as a conversation. If anything, their small exchange of words had drifted them even further apart. Logan headed for his room, leaving James behind with eyes stuck once again on the television screen. Logan had high hopes that he could clear his head with a book or his laptop or something so he wouldn't be too distracted during his dinner with Derek later. But it was going to be a challenge. And he really disliked James for making it that way. Not hate, just dislike.

* * *

><p>"Kendall, look!"<p>

Kendall turned his head to see what Carlos was pointing out. "Where?" he said, unable to understand what Carlos was referring to. Kendall had never gone shopping with Carlos, well at least not alone with him, and he never knew how...dynamic Carlos was when it comes to buying new things. They were only supposed to buy matching shirts for their day at Disneyland the next day, and they had that squared away as soon as they entered the first store in the mall and made a decision between a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt or a Justice League shirt, the second being their final decision. That's all Kendall bought so far. Carlos, on the other hand, had bought for himself a new pair of shoes, two additional shirts, and a bunch of snacks along the way, mostly corndogs. He never pictured Carlos as an avid shopper. But then again, Kendall's mom had given them almost three hundred dollars to spend, which Kendall had to admit was surprisingly a bit much, so he should feel a bit more free to spend much like Carlos was.

"Right there."

Carlos was pointing to a shiny black object displayed at the store front of a sports shop.

"Okay, I see a helmet."

Carlos gasped lightly, taken aback by Kendall's mundane reaction to what he considered as such a revolutionary piece of sports equipment. He dragged Kendall by the wrist to the front of the store and placed his own palms and face to the cool glass, like a little kid staring into a candy store. "I wanna buy it."

"But Carlos, you have like seven other helmets already. In fact," Kendall fixated his eyes on the shiny black object, trying to get a better look of it, "you have that exact same one at home!"

"And your point is?"

"Why would you need another helmet that's exactly like one that you already have?"

"Because…it's not for me silly." Carlos said before making his way into the store.

Kendall became confused, and followed his friend inside, who by then had already requested for the helmet from a sales clerk. "Then who is it for?"

The clerk came back almost immediately, handing Carlos a brand new helmet. Carlos chose not to answer Kendall's question just yet as he made his way to the checkout counter. He paid for the helmet himself, and exited the store, leaving behind a bewildered Kendall.

Kendall soon chased after Carlos, curiosity peaking. "Seriously Carlos, who's it for?"

Carlos turned around to face Kendall, a wide smile on his face. He took the helmet outside of the plastic bag it was wrapped in and handed Kendall the newly bought item. "It's for you, duh."

Kendall's eyes grew wide from the gesture. "F-for me? But why? Helmets are like your thing. Your trademark. I wouldn't wanna take that away from you..."

Carlos chuckled. "I just like wearing them. It's not like I claim it as my own and no one else is allowed to wear them... Can you imagine how hurt people would get without these?" Carlos shrugged," Anyway, since we already got matching shirts for tomorrow, I figure we can have matching headgear too."

Carlos's statement warmed Kendall's heart like no other. Carlos had no idea how incredibly symbolic this was for Kendall. To Carlos it might just seem that he was giving a present to his friend, but in Kendall's eyes, it meant a stronger bond with the raven-haired boy that far surpassed anything that Kendall has ever hoped for.

Or maybe it really was just a friendly thing, and Kendall felt the need to ask, except he needed to disguise the question somehow to make it seem less obvious, but it's not like Carlos suspects anything, right? "Should we get Logan and James one too?"

Carlos scrutinized the shiny helmet, studying it for any scratches or dents as Kendall held it. "We don't have to. This can just be our thing."

_Our. Carlos said 'our'. Kendall's and Carlos's_. As much as Kendall liked the sound of that, he doesn't feel too deserving of getting a gift from Carlos. "Carlos... You didn't have to... I mean you already got me a monkey hat from the zoo. This is too much. And you even bought this with your own money. I mean we still have some left from-"

"It's fine. I wanted to get you one. Plus, I really owe you, Kendall..."

Kendall's eyebrows furrowed, confused. "Owe me? For what?"

"For hanging out with me for the last few days. I mean, lately James and I have barely hung out... Barely talked even. Same with Logan," Carlos's voice slackened, "maybe it's because of what's going on between the two of them, and I know it's a big deal and they're still probably working things out but it's not like they came to me to talk about it. I may not be able to provide good advice but I still would like to know what's going on. I only found out about them from you and I don't know..."

"Carlos..."

"I guess I've just been feeling a little out of the loop lately and you've been the only who's taken the time to hang out with me, and for that I'm really thankful for."

Kendall was at a loss for words. He's never had Carlos open up to him before and now that Carlos has, and as it turned out, Carlos has been enjoying Kendall's company, and just the thought of that was enough to leave Kendall speechless.

"Kenny, can I ask you a question?" Carlos asked, breaking the silence.

"Sure."

"You're not getting tired of hanging out with me are you?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"Are you sure? I haven't been bugging you lately?"

"Not at all, Carlos. I love spending time with you." Kendall wasn't sure if he just gave what he felt away, but Carlos didn't seem too struck or horrified by what he just said. In fact, Carlos looked ecstatic to hear such words. Before he knew it, Carlos had his arms tightly wrapped around Kendall and a shade of red instantly covered Kendall's cheeks. But the moment was short-lived as he heard his phone ringing from inside his pocket. "Um, I should probably get that."

Carlos freed Kendall, although a bit slowly and seemingly reluctant. Well at least to Kendall it seemed like it.

Kendall disregarded checking the displayed name on his phone and went straight to answering it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Ken-dork!"

"Katie, I told you not to call me that…"

"Try me. Anyways, mom and I might not be able to pick you and Carlos up for a while."

"Why, what's up?"

"Mom met someone named Darla…Darly…Darlene–I don't know, today and apparently she's some close high school friend and she agreed to have dinner with her tonight."

"And you're going with her?"

"Don't rub it in." Katie answered, emphasizing 'don't'.

"Try me."

"Whatever. Mom's asking if you and Carlos are fine having dinner at the mall."

_Nope_, the idea doesn't bother Kendall in the least bit. "I think we'll be fine."

"He says they're fine, mom." Katie paused. "Mom says you two take care. She'll call when we're done with dinner."

"Fine by me. Talk to you later, little sis. Good luck at your dinner. Bye."

"I said don't-" Kendall hung up before she could even finish.

As much as he liked talking with his little sister, and as much as he felt sorry for her having to endure a dinner with their mom with a best friend, he had other things to attend to, other things in mind. He looked back at Carlos who was waiting patiently for him to finish his call. Kendall grinned. He knew what he wanted to do.

"Hey Carlos, wanna go grab some dinner?"

"Now? I thought Mama Knight said she would pick us up by this time though?"

"Yeah, well Katie just called and said Mom met with an old high school friend and invited her and Katie to dinner, so they're gonna be a little late."

"Oh, poor Katie."

Kendall snickered and was soon joined by Carlos. "So, what do you say, dinner?"

"I would love to!" Carlos said with a wide smile. Kendall loved seeing that smile. He hoped he wasn't blushing at the moment because he's pretty sure he just asked Carlos out and Carlos could not have been more thrilled to go with him. Or maybe Kendall was just reading too much into Carlos's excitement.

"So what do you feel like having? And please don't say corndogs again."

Carlos pouted, feeling deprived of his favorite food. "Fine." An idea popped up in his head. "Ooh! How about-"

"…and please don't say fish sticks."

"Why not?"

"Because...we have like a bunch of those at home."

"But Kendall..." Carlos whined.

Kendall didn't think it was fair. He hated when Carlos made that face. With that face, along with that voice and those eyes, how can Kendall deny Carlos? He really wanted to take Carlos to a nicer restaurant, maybe some Italian place that's dimly lit with romantic music in the background and exquisite food. They had enough money left over to feed two even with such a high class restaurant anyways, and his mom never explicitly asked for change, so Kendall figured they might as well spend it. But then again how obvious would that be to Carlos? A fancy Italian dinner with dim lights and everything Kendall just imagined – not really the kind of dinner two people who are just friends would share.

"Fine. We'll get some corndogs."

"Really?" Carlos's face lit up. _Much better_.

"Sure."

"You're the best Kendall!" and with that Carlos gave Kendall another bone-crushing hug.

Kendall knew he was blushing again; he could feel it in his cheeks; he just hoped Carlos was unable to see it. "Alright, let's go get some corndogs." Kendall said with a faint voice, trying to sound out of air so Carlos would release him.

"Okay!" Carlos remained attached to Kendall.

"Um, Carlos... You should probably let go of me now. People are starting to stare."

"I don't care! I'm not letting you go."

Kendall knew it was just a playful statement, but how he wished it wasn't. But either way, Carlos was still hugging him. And he was perfectly fine with that.

* * *

><p>Derek sensed discomfort from Logan while walking down the hallway. He saw Logan being a bit fidgety and staring off into random places, all the while remaining silent.<p>

"Hey, you okay?"

Logan didn't reply. Derek stopped in his tracks and took hold of Logan's shoulder with his hand, spinning Logan around and forcing eye contact.

"What? Oh, I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

"No really, are you okay?" Derek was staring deeply into Logan's eyes, trying to read him, searching for an explanation.

"I'm…I'm okay." Logan replied, worry evident in his tone.

Derek sighed. He should've known this was going to happen. "It's James isn't it?"

"W-what?"

"You're thinking about James."

"I…I am not! Why should I be thinking about him?"

"Look, I don't exactly know exactly what's up with the two of you, but from what I saw earlier and right before we left, I'm guessing it's something important."

"It's nothing! Nothing is up between me and James. He was acting like a complete jerk today for no reason anyway. Let's just forget about him."

"Logan, please. As much as I would like to take you out tonight, I would rather have you fix or talk things out with your friend than go to dinner with me and not be thoroughly invested because you're too preoccupied with him."

Logan couldn't come up with anything to say.

"Can I ask you a question?" Derek didn't wait for a response. "Are you and James, a thing?"

"What? No."

"Do you want the two of you to be a thing?"

Again, silence from Logan.

Derek scoffed. "I knew it. So it was James."

"What?"

"Camille warned me. She told me you might still have feelings for a close friend, but I still insisted on meeting you."

"…I'm sorry."

Derek sighed. "No need to apologize. I mean, I was warned so technically it was more my fault. I just jumped at the chance of meeting a guy here because it is so damn hard to find the good ones nowadays."

Logan and Derek both chuckled, welcoming back a mellow mood.

"Well I should probably get going then." Derek said. "I really want to get out of these clothes. This collar is choking me."

Logan chuckled some more. "Listen, I'm really sorry."

"Please. Don't even worry about it. It was nice meeting you, Logan Mitchell." Derek extended a hand to Logan, which Logan took in his own with a smile and shook. "I really hope you work things out with James."

"Thanks."

"He'll be lucky to have you."

"He doesn't even like me."

"Trust me, he does."

"How do you know?"

"I can read people. Sort of my thing." Derek pressed the down button for the elevator.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Hey, I read you didn't I?"

"That…is true… but still,"

"Well how about him almost crushing the bones in my hand when I gave him a handshake earlier today? Or the way he looked like he seemed about ready to punch me when he saw me come back?"

Logan wanted to believe everything Derek was saying, but he didn't catch any of those things Derek had mentioned, so he stayed reluctant to believing that James was actually…jealous.

A ding went off and the elevator opened its doors, and Derek stepped in. "I'll see you around?"

"Definitely." And the elevator door closed, leaving Logan alone in the hallway. He felt a bit relieved that Derek wasn't mad at him but stressed at the same time that he had to go back to the apartment where James awaited.

James. He had to go back to the apartment and talk to him. He just had to. He no longer cared that James might still be mad at him for whatever reason. He just needed to talk to him. It would take a lot of courage from him, but Logan had no other options.

* * *

><p>James was once again alone in the apartment. Mrs. Knight and Katie's location remained unknown; Kendall and Carlos were supposed to be back two hours ago, and Logan had just left with Derek to go on their 'dinner', but not before James caught Derek in a spiteful gaze.<p>

James started feeling a little light-headed, and he remembered that he had not eaten a meal since he got back home from his attempt at looking for another lady, which would mean he had been sitting on the couch, watching the television for four straight hours. That's probably why his eyes felt like they were on the verge of tears from merely blinking.

James stood and barely took a step away from the couch when he felt his chest tighten again. Why all of a sudden was it back? And not only that, it was much worse than the previous ones he experienced. He clutched onto his left pectoral, his breaths shorter. The room felt like it was spinning around him. He felt his heart thunder inside his chest, and he felt his limbs trembling.

James hit the floor roughly, his hand still latched onto his chest. He tried to reach for the phone in his pocket, but he felt so weak he couldn't even raise his free arm.

He heard the door open from behind him and he managed a faint call for help.

"James? James!"

The voice sounded familiar, but his brain was not allowing him to think clearly as to whom the voice belonged to. All he knew was he had difficulty breathing in and he was cold, very cold. A figure drifted above him, calling his name, and as much as he recognized the spiked hair and those comforting chocolate eyes, he was still unable to come up with a name. Whoever it was, he was highly thankful for.

But everything looked hazy. And then everything turned black.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Not the best chapter again in my opinion, and so sorry again that it took this long. I don't even know if anyone is still reading this anymore, but to all my loyal readers, thank you. There are two chapters left of this fic, and I really want the last chapter posted by the first week of the new year. And the ending to this chapter might have been a bit exaggerated because I do get panic attacks, but I never had a severe one so I don't exactly know what happens during one. Please review! And by the way, check out my new Jagan one-shot, _A Beautiful Mess_, the companion piece to _No Explanations Necessary._**


	10. When Reality Hits

**A/N: Finally an update that didn't take two months to publish! The next chapter will be much shorter than the previous ones, as this story is drawing to a close. I could have actually ended the story with this chapter, but I still had the Kenlos sideline story to sum up, and I couldn't just leave them not together right?**

**Happy New Year everyone! Hope you have a great 2012!**

**People seemed to have taken a liking to Derek, so I brought him back, even just for a small bit.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. I do own this plot.**

* * *

><p>"James? James!" Logan shouted as he hurried towards the writhing body he saw on the floor. James's face looked so pale compared to his usual tan complexion, and his entire body trembled and shivered. Logan tried to stay calm, and he was for the most part. His head and his heart raced, however. He unbuttoned the part of James's shirt near the collar in an attempt to allow James to breathe easier, but to no avail. The taller boy still breathed irregularly, his chest rising and falling at an alarming rate.<p>

Panic struck Logan when James's rapid breathing ceased. He immediately held his ear to James's chest, sighing in relief when he heard it beating. It was slow, but it was beating. James had passed out completely, but his body kept shivering.

Logan didn't know James suffered from panic attacks, as this was the first episode he had witnessed. Did he have them before? What brought them on? Questions formulated by the dozens in his head, but he continued to attend to James regardless.

Logan managed to lift James off of the floor, draping the taller boy's arm around his shoulder, and put him back on the couch, laying James down on the soft cushions gently.

Logan watched as James's body continued to shiver. He checked the temperature of James's neck with the back of his hand. James was running a low fever. Logan hurriedly fetched his blanket, and wrapped James with it. He proceeded to the bathroom, grabbing a small towel and running it under luke-warm water from the sink to put on top of James's forehead.

James's breathing was back to normal, and Logan couldn't feel any more relieved. The damp washcloth along with the blankets seemed to have helped James's temperature to stabilize, making him shiver much less.

There was one thing Logan had left to do. He ran for his room and searched the bottom drawer of his bureau.

Knowing how often they would get hurt from their ridiculous stunts, along with boy scout training when he was younger, Logan had always kept a first aid kit somewhere in the house. He took the blue bandages from the box before storing it away again, ready for the next accident or injury.

James now looked peaceful, all wrapped up in a blanket and breathing steadily, much better than when he was a trembling mess on the floor. Logan took James's wrist in his hands, recalling how the boy hissed in pain when they played foosball. He studied the hand and the wrist, checking for any signs of broken bones. They seemed fine, but Logan wrapped them in the bandages anyway, as a safety precaution, and because Logan doubted his accuracy of locating broken bones.

Logan hated how conflicted he felt. Part of him wanted to hate James, hate him for everything he put him through. As Logan recalled, this whole mess started with a kiss, and all because they fought over keys to the car so James can be taught how to drive. Logan had wanted to talk to James after, clear the air between them, because it may as well have been just an accident and it shouldn't come between them as friends but James had decided to ignore the kiss and Logan altogether. A little light was shed along the way when James admitted to being the one at fault, but that apology was gone by the following morning and Logan didn't even know what had happened over the course of that night that made James hate him all over again. Needless to say, James caused Logan so much pain.

But then again, a part of Logan can't get himself to hate James because, despite everything, what he told Kendall remained true to this day. The kiss meant something to him. It made him crazy. It made him visit emotions for someone he never thought he would have to. He has truly fallen for James. And nothing has changed that. Not even Derek would have.

Logan kneeled down next to the couch, next to where James lied down. Beads of sweat now encircled the boy's forehead. Logan parted James's hair so none would obstruct the boy's face. James's face. It had returned to its original tan color; the eyes were still shut and the mouth was slightly agape. Logan realized how little space was left between him and James, unconsciously inching in closer to the sleeping boy's body, his face, his lips. Logan jerked back, surprised at how entranced he just was, almost kissing James again. There was no denying it. He was in love with James.

The stress of the day, or for the most part the panic from making sure James was okay, had taken a toll on Logan, as he felt fatigued and in need of sleep. But no one else was home and he couldn't leave James by himself sleeping like that. Logan decided to rest on the other couch, ready to come to James's aid if he needed to.

* * *

><p>When James woke up, he took in a sharp breath and shot up, as if he just resurfaced from drowning in water. Labored breaths followed, and he could feel his heart thunder in his chest. A washcloth that seemed to be placed on his forehead had fallen onto his lap, which was covered with a blanket that he recognized as Logan's.<p>

He remembered landing on the floor roughly, having the worst episode of a panic attack that he ever endured. He's never had severe panic attacks like that before, and the mild ones he had over the past few days only started when...him and Logan kissed. No, when he kissed Logan. A memory of the incident played in his head, as did of the dream he had a few nights ago. Logan. They were all about Logan. His head hurt, his wrist hurt, his entire body hurt, his heart hurt.

"James?" a voice from somewhere in the room spoke. "James. Are you okay?" It came from Logan who was suddenly now kneeling next to the couch he was on. Logan seemed to have come from the other couch, his voice groggy seemed like he just woke up.

James couldn't think clearly for a while. He felt a bit lost, as if he was put in a new environment and everything around him seemed foreign. He was shaking again.

"James." Logan repeated.

"Where is everyone?" James asked as he started to become more aware of where he was.

"They're all still out. Can you breathe?"

James confirmed with a nod. He then remembered where Logan ought to be. "Why are you here? Shouldn't you be, with…uh…" James couldn't for the life of him remember the guy's name.

"Derek. And no. He, um, called it off." Logan paused. "You were having a terrible panic attack when I came back. Are you okay?"

"He called it off? Why?"

"It just wasn't going to work out... You really should lie back down."

James saw the worry in Logan's eyes. "No, I'm fine…So," James gulped, "you were the one who helped me?"

Logan nodded, and kept his worried look.

James felt a tightness enveloping his hand, and he hissed in pain as he held it in front of him, seeing a bandage that he could only guess Logan had wrapped around it.

"Does it hurt? I am so sorry, I didn't know if I wrapped it too tight or not. Here." Logan immediately took hold of the bandaged wrist and started to undo the gauze.

James watched as Logan tended to him with much care. As Logan's eyes were focused at the task at hand, James's eyes were transfixed on Logan's, and James saw affection and worry, but also hurt. And that in turn hurt James, because here's Logan, still helping him after the damage James knew he did. Knowing Logan still cared for him, James's resolve, one that made him ignore Logan at all costs, one that he never should have made, broke completely.

Logan finished reapplying the bandage and looked at James to smile at him. "There. Does that feel better?"

James swallowed, "Yeah, thanks."

Logan gave him a sincere smile before standing. "You must be starving. Would you like me to fix something up for you?"

"No, I'm good..."

"Are you sure? I can whip something up really quickly." Logan said as he walked towards the kitchen.

"No Logan, I'm fine."

"...okay, I'm sorry." There was hurt in Logan's voice and James mentally slapped himself. He didn't mean for that sentence to sound disdainful.

The door burst open before James was able to apologize. Katie stormed in, followed by Mrs. Knight, then by Kendall and Carlos and _was Kendall wearing a helmet?_

Katie complained at how dreadful the dinner went, something about her mother's friend being so boastful about her success in finding herself a wealthy man to be wed to, and Mrs. Knight just laughed at her daughter. Her rant was followed by a storm off to her bedroom.

Mrs. Knight rolled her eyes. "Did you two boys have dinner?" Mrs. Knight asked, pertaining to Logan and James.

"Hm?" Logan hummed, caught off-guard, "Oh, no. But it's okay. I'm actually not that hungry. I am tired though so, I'm heading to bed." Logan trailed off, leaving Mrs. Knight a bit suspicious.

"And you James?" Mrs. Knight asked as she spotted the tall brunette on the couch.

James failed to answer right away as he rose from the couch, a little worried and saddened by Logan leaving. He knew he had dinner plans with Derek, and he made it go from that to Logan not having dinner at all. And the guilt from it just made him lose his appetite.

"Actually, I'm fine. Tired too. Gonna get sleep now." James managed a smile before he too walked away from everyone else in the living room.

Mrs. Knight sensed an elephant in the room and looked to Kendall and Carlos in search of possible explanations. Although they both knew what has occurred between Logan and James, they didn't know what could have possibly transpired during the entire time they were gone from the apartment, so they both shrugged their shoulders at Mrs. Knight.

A frown tugged at her lips. She didn't like this one bit.

* * *

><p>"Logan..." Kendall whispered, attempting to wake his best friend. It was the day he and Carlos were set to visit Disneyland thanks to their boss' sudden generosity, but after what Kendall came home to last night, with Logan and James not being able to talk to each other at all, Kendall had to make sure Logan would be okay to be left alone with James.<p>

Logan answered with a brief groan. "Mm...what?"

"Wanna have breakfast with us before we leave?"

"Uh, what time is it?"

"It's seven in the morning. Come on. Everyone's already down there..."

"Everyone?" Logan asked as sternly as his morning voice allowed.

"Yes, everyone."

Logan grew quiet, and Kendall knew he shouldn't press on the issue further, but he needed to. "Will you and James be fine, you know, being alone in the apartment together?"

Logan shot Kendall a confused glance.

"Disneyland." Kendall said, reminding Logan.

"Oh. Of course. Of course. I'll be...we'll be fine."

Kendall knew Logan was just allowing him to leave out of the kindness of his heart, and out of his knowledge of what Kendall feels for Carlos. And he really didn't want to cancel Disneyland on Carlos, but he had to be absolutely sure that Logan would be okay.

"Are you sure? I can stay if you want."

"No Kendall, go. Don't waste your ticket."

"I could just give it to James, and he can go with Carlos."

"No, don't do that. We both know Carlos really wants to go with you."

Kendall blushed. "No he doesn't. You can't prove that."

"I'm pretty sure I can." Logan chuckled, and Kendall turned his head in shame. Logan swayed his legs to the side of the bed and took off his covers. "So, what's breakfast?"

* * *

><p>"It's not fair! Why do Kendall and Carlos get to go to Disneyland and I have to go to stupid auditions?" Katie whined.<p>

"If you get a free ticket between right now and when we drop them off, you can go with them." Mrs. Knight replied calmly, sipping her coffee after.

Kendall chuckled, earning him daggers from Katie's eyes. She stuck her tongue out to him and Kendall did the same.

"Mom! Kendall's being rude!" Katie yelled.

"What? You started it!"

"No shouting at the table!" Mrs. Knight suddenly shouted. Everyone jumped up from their seats in surprise, and silence between Kendall and Katie was achieved. "Thank you." Mrs. Knight said. Kendall wanted to protest on the irony of his mother's rule since her methodology to silence her children made her shout as well, and he was about to say it when his mom shot him a choleric look and he decided against it.

Logan had been quiet this entire time, idly playing with the oatmeal in front of him, only every once in awhile taking a bite.

James noticed this, and he felt terrible for being partially, or actually fully responsible for Logan's loss of appetite.

The night before truly got to him. Even after mistreating Logan all this time, ignoring him and shouting at him, penalizing him for an accidental kiss that he now admits he had initiated, Logan still came to his aid during his time of need.

Logan rose from the table after what was probably his fourth bite. All eyes averted to him. Logan put on a smile. "Not really hungry yet. I'm gonna go take a walk." Logan doesn't let anyone protest. He just walked out the door of the apartment and headed for the elevators.

Kendall and Carlos thought they knew what it was about; Mrs. Knight and Katie, not so much. Katie probably could guess correctly what the matter was, but she was too bummed about not being able to go to Disneyland to speculate.

"Okay can someone please tell me what is wrong with Logan?" Mrs. Knight inquired.

Kendall was about to answer with some fake excuse, but James beat him to it with a surprisingly truthful response. "It was my fault. We sort of had a fight last night."

Mrs. Knight raised her eyebrow at James. "A fight?"

"It was completely verbal. No physical damage done."

"Your bandaged wrist says otherwise." Katie pointed out.

"Oh, this thing?" James raised his hand, forgetting that Logan had wrapped a bandage around it last night. "This was from playing foosball." He couldn't tell her it was really from punching a wall right? How dramatic would that sound? And no one else even knew about it, so no one had to know.

His excuse was hardly plausible, but Mrs. Knight let it slide for now. Katie was about to ask further questions when Carlos jumped. "We better get going soon. I wanna be first in line for the entrance."

Mrs. Knight glanced at the wall clock and nodded, agreeing with Carlos. "You boys better finish getting ready." Kendall and Carlos left their seats on cue. "You too Katie. I laid out the dress you need to wear for your auditions on your bed."

"A dress?" Katie said in disgust.

"Yes, a dress. You're developing into a little lady. It's time you start dressing like one."

Katie huffed a grunt as she made her way towards her bedroom. James chuckled at Katie's behavior, but immediately stopped when he felt Mrs. Knight's eyes on him, a little dauntingly if he may add.

"James." Mrs. Knight said sternly.

James didn't know what to expect. Mrs. Knight's serious voice always intimidated him, and that said something because there were only a few things that could. He kept his lips sealed, waiting for her to start advising, castigating, criticizing or whichever course of action a mother would naturally take when two of her children get into a feud.

"James." she repeated. "James, you need to tell me what happened."

"It's nothing, Mrs. Knight. Nothing a simple apology can fix."

James can see the doubt in Mrs. Knight's expression, and she had every reason to doubt his statement. At this point, James isn't too sure that Logan would be able to forgive him.

"Mom are you kidding me?" Katie roared from her room.

Mrs. Knight sighed. "Be right there sweetie!" she said, before turning to confront James again, the same serious look on her face. "If I find out that the reason for Logan isn't eating, you will be in big trouble young man."

She could not be more right. James was the reason why Logan skipped on his last two meals. And if a punishment was in order for it, then James was willing to take it. He deserved it.

"And it has ruffles!" Katie shouted again.

"Calm down, Katie!" Mrs. Knight turned to James again. "I do hope you and Logan work this out…whatever this is. And just remember, if you have anything to share with us, don't be scared to do so. We're family, James."

"Mom, you can not be serious!"

"I'm coming Katie!" Mrs. Knight shook her head. "Please, keep that in mind James." And with that, Mrs. Knight walked away from the table and followed the whines coming from her and her daughter's room.

James blinked. _Was Mrs. Knight implying something just then?_

* * *

><p>Logan couldn't tell if it was the right time to head back to the apartment or not. He had left what he estimated around two hours ago. In that interim, Mrs. Knight had called him to inform him that they were leaving and to inquire what time Logan planned on coming back. Logan lied and said that he met with Camille and they were just going to hang out for the day, when in truth he had been sitting alone on a park bench all this time.<p>

Logan allowed all this time to pass by to make sure James would no longer be in the apartment when he returned, to save them both the trouble of forcing small talk. Being alone in the apartment like that was bound to make James bored, and although he wished James would actually wait for him, Logan knew James had better things to do, better people to talk to. It hurt him to think in such a manner, but Logan was willing to do anything for him and James to at least stay friends.

"Hey," a familiar voice surprised Logan. Logan turned to see Derek standing a few feet away from him, flashing that crooked but great smile again.

"Hey," Logan said back, smiling at the other boy.

"Can I take a seat?"

"Sure."

Derek took the empty spot next to Logan on the park bench, turning to the boy to ask, "So what happened last night? Did you and James work things out?"

"Not really..."

"Not really?" Derek sighed. "Tell me what happened."

* * *

><p>It's been a good half hour since James had left the apartment. He was looking for someone, and no it wasn't a girl he could flirt with this time. He was looking for Logan. James has checked the lobby, the pool, even the basement; he had also called Camille, who Logan claimed he was with according to Mrs. Knight, but she too had no idea of Logan's whereabouts. There's a part of James that thought Camille was lying, trying to hide Logan from him or that Logan asked that Camille not tell him where they were. He visited her apartment, and asked once more. Camille even invited him in so he can search her place, and true to her word, Logan could not be found. So James kept looking.<p>

The Palmwoods Park was James's last resort before he would come to the conclusion that Logan had run away.

He spotted Logan sitting on a bench, but not alone. That jerk Derek sat next to him, and from the looks of it, they were having a merry little conversation and James found himself clenching his fist until his knuckles turned white. He had no means of justifying calling Derek a jerk when he truly seemed like a nice guy, but James stayed with it.

James felt his fingers tingle again, and he was already familiar with what would happen next. Only this time he knew what he had to do. He ran away before, when it was Logan and Camille talking on the bench, and when he did, a whole mess erupted. James had grown tired of those, tired of causing himself, and Logan too for that matter, such burden. And now, looking at Logan talking to Derek, and seeing Logan happy to do so, James was ready to accept what has been wrong with him this entire time. _He's in love with Logan_. And he's been kidding himself all this time. And now that it seemed like Logan was happy being with someone else that was not him, he had to stop it at all costs. Despite his chest tightening yet again, he walked over to where Logan and Derek sat.

Logan caught him with the corner of his eye, perplexed as to why James was there and alone, instead of elsewhere with a girl. "Hi..." Logan said faintly.

"Hey. Logan, I need to talk to you."

Between Derek and James, Logan would much rather continue talking with Derek, knowing it would hurt less. But the austere look James had on told Logan that he would not take no for an answer. Logan has grown tired of being verbally ambushed by James, but something inside him wanted to give James a second chance. Logan looked to Derek, asking for permission to leave, and Derek found it a bit silly that Logan had to do such a thing, instantly telling him to go with James. Derek knew deep down Logan liked if not loved James, and as much as he enjoyed Logan's company, he didn't want to get in the way of the two finally working things out and getting together.

Logan and James walked back to their apartment without saying a word to each other. James was actually nervous but his chest pain subsided, and Logan... Logan was just ready for the worst. How much worse could it get anyway?

The door shut behind them, but neither muttered a word. Logan just wanted it over with so that his heart can just completely break then pretend that he's fine, because lately he has been getting exceptionally better at it.

"I'm sorry." James's voice was shaky and it was the last thing Logan expected on hearing. "I'm so sorry. I've hurt you time and again and I know I've been the worst person to you over the past few days and I don't know what I can do to truly show you how sorry I am."

Logan was speechless. He anticipated James yelling at him again, or worse, telling him he no longer wished to be friends with him. But an apology? _That_ Logan was not expecting. Logan didn't expect he'd be this easily forgiving either. "It's okay James."

"It's okay? No it's not. I've been the biggest jerk and it wasn't even your fault. And then seeing you with Derek made me so mad and I was so jealous and I..."

Logan had never seen James so...vulnerable and fragile. And did he just say he was jealous over Derek? He had never heard James talk the way he was right then, close to breaking. Logan could see how a hint of a tear was forming at the corner of James's eye and the way James's hand trembled at his side.

And Logan didn't know why, maybe it was this new side to James that he hasn't seen, or maybe it was because James looked solemnly sorry for what he had caused, or maybe Logan just really loved James, but he just placed his hands on James's cheeks, and captured the boy's lips with his own.

And unlike their previous kiss, no one shoved the other away. No one's eyes widened from the sudden contact. They both let themselves melt into it, get carried away by it.

James willingly kissed back, even a bit roughly with teeth crashing, but the passion and the yearning and the desire was all there. One hand was grabbing a fistful of Logan's hair while the other held Logan by the waist, drawing him in closer until they were chest to chest.

They moved about, lips still intact. The edge of the couch catches Logan's leg, making him fall backward, taking James with him onto the sofa cushions.

There was a sweet déjà vu to it that didn't escape their thoughts. And when James felt Logan smile against his lips, he smiled as well.

James pulled away to look Logan straight in the eye. He didn't know if the make out session they just had meant he was forgiven for what he caused, and his eyes searches Logan's for some sort of indication, but he didn't have enough time as Logan pulled him down for another kiss.

Logan didn't have to say it. It was all said by the way he kissed James. As much doubt Logan still had that James would hurt him again in the future, he couldn't help but forgive James.

* * *

><p>"Do you think Logan and James are gonna be okay?" Carlos asked.<p>

"They should be fine."

In all honesty, Kendall had no idea. He hoped they would be. He felt bad, he really did, for leaving the two of them alone in the apartment given the current situation between the two, but he couldn't pass up the opportunity to spend some time alone with Carlos. Especially if it's at Disneyland. At this point, he could only hope for the best for James and Logan.

Disneyland had been everything Kendall had imagined and more. Carlos was adorable as always, regardless of the ride they went on. Even when Carlos looked like he was about ready to throw up his lunch after their turn at the spinning cups, Kendall was still able to find Carlos adorable. Kendall's absolute favorite however wasn't a ride nor was it a mini-game that annoyed them both when they were unable to win any prizes, Kendall especially since Carlos had already gotten him a monkey hat and a helmet and he felt like he owed Carlos something in return. No, Kendall's favorite was when Carlos dragged him to fall in line for pictures with the mascots. And then the way he made silly faces with the mascots. Kendall joined in too, and now the camera Carlos had brought with them was filled with cross-eyes, tongues sticking out, hands tugging on ears, and many other shennanigans they were able to think of.

Kendall guessed there had been around six or seven times that Carlos caught him staring, and when Kendall tried to play it off, Carlos just smiled at him, causing Kendall to blush, hopefully out of Carlos's sight.

Now their adventure was over, and they were quietly waiting for Kendall's mom to pick them up from the parking lot.

"Hey Kenny, can I ask you another question?"

"Sure, Carlitos."

"Are you over Jo?"

The question struck Kendall, even though it had lingered in his head for quite some time. To be brutally honest, he still wasn't sure at this point. Although it has been months since Jo's departure, she hasn't completely left his thoughts. But then there was Carlos, and Kendall was almost certain he's fallen for him too. That dream had to mean something right? Kendall had two options, yes or no. No would mean that Kendall still did have feelings for a girl that lived thousands of miles away, and that Carlos, if by any chance that he felt the same way towards Kendall as Kendall did towards him, would feel heartbroken, but those chances are close to none anyway. Yes would mean... Well, that was the thing. Yes would mean he just threw out whatever promise he kept with Jo to wait for her return out the window. But it also meant a chance of having a Kendall and Carlos, if in fact Carlos wanted that as much as Kendall did.

Kendall heaved a deep sigh and with a shaken voice answered, "Yes."

And in that moment Kendall could've sworn he saw a glimmer in Carlos's eyes when the boy turned to him with his mouth slightly agape, as if it was the response Carlos had wanted. But it was probably just Kendall reading too much into things again.

"Why do you look so surprised?"

Carlos shrugged. "Nothing. I just remember how much you liked her. And how torn you were when she had to leave."

Kendall felt the sincerity in Carlos's voice, and it could only warm Kendall's heart.

"Well that was then. I'm not saying I don't care about her anymore because I still do. But I've accepted the fact that it's time to move on."

"...I'm glad." Carlos muttered.

Maybe it was the setting, or the laughter shared between the two of them during the day, or that sentence that Carlos just said, but it was at that moment Kendall realized that he truly did fall in love with Carlos, and he realized that maybe, just maybe, Carlos had fallen in love with him too.

* * *

><p><strong>Yay! Chapter 10 is finished and Chapter 11, the final chapter, is well on its way to being published. Hopefully I can get it up by the end of the week. I feel like the Kenlos is a lot easier to write than the Jagan in this story line. There's a lot less angst that I have to dig deep for xD Hope you guys enjoyed the story thus far. Please leave a review!<strong>


	11. Finally

**A/N: As the title of this chapter suggests, finally. This is the last chapter of **_**When Reality Hits**_**. I didn't think it would take this long to finish this story at all and I've wanted to start new ones so badly. I really did enjoy writing this and it felt like a good start. But this, along with reading a bunch of other fics, showed me that I have so much room for improvement. So I hope my following fics are better than this.**

**First, I apologize to everyone who wanted me to update this really quickly! I had a terrible case of writer's block (again) and could not for the life of me figure out how to end this fic. I am also sorry **that this chapter is much shorter compared to the previous ones. There weren't a lot of places for the storyline to go because it has reached its climax, and this is just the falling action.****

**I would like to thank everyone who continued reading this despite my long updates. I wanted to make a masterlist of people who have reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story but that would have resulted in a really lengthy author's note, so I'm just going to say my thanks to everyone that did. All of you encourage me to be a better writer and continue writing :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush. I do own the plot.**

* * *

><p>Somewhere between the near tears to the passionate kissing, James and Logan had fallen asleep next to each other on the couch, James's arm slumped over Logan's entire frame, leaving minimal distance between them.<p>

Their ears could not catch the sound of the door opening, leaving them completely unaware of the four other members of the household entering, unaware of Katie spotting them on the couch and approaching furtively.

Katie's eyes grew wide from the sight, her jaw dropping down until she whispered, but still quite loudly for the other three to hear, "I knew it."

Kendall, Carlos and Mrs. Knight followed Katie's voice, both curious at the little girl's statement. Their eyes mimicked Katie's upon seeing James and Logan sleeping on the couch together.

"Finally!" Carlos shouted, and it was enough to wake both James and Logan, who both realized everyone was now home and had seen the two snuggled up together on the couch. Well, they were scrambling to get up and putting as much distance as the couch allowed them now, sharing the same flushed expression.

"What's going on?" a confused Mrs. Knight asked.

James and Logan refused to say a thing, keeping their lips sealed. It doesn't concern her. Well, since she is their caretaker and since they've grown to love her as their own mother, maybe she did have a right to know, but it doesn't make it any less awkward telling her why the two of them were just asleep, cuddling together on the couch.

"Come on you two. No use in hiding it. We caught you red-handed." Carlos smirked.

"Uhm–" Logan tried.

"Logan and I are going out." James said.

The words actually sent shivers down Logan's spine, shocked that James would admit to it almost calmly, when he himself didn't even know it was established that they are officially dating. Sure, he kissed James, and more passionately than necessary, but that doesn't mean James can just call the shots and say that they were dating. But he wasn't exactly opposed to the idea either, so he kept his mouth shut.

"Going out?" Mrs. Knight repeated, baffled.

"As in dating, mom." Katie answered.

"I know that! It's just… I thought you two got into a fight?"

Logan raised an eyebrow, not knowing how Mrs. Knight possibly found out that he and James were fighting. Sure he's acted weird around James over the past few days, but he didn't explicitly say anything to Mrs. Knight about it and there's no possible way she put the pieces together, has she?

"Well, Logan and I worked it out." James replied.

_Or James said something to her, figures,_ Logan thought.

Mrs. Knight had her mouth shut. She looked around the room, first at Kendall who attempted a smile, then at Carlos who was nodding his head enthusiastically, and lastly at Katie, who shrugged her shoulders.

Logan's heart pounded furiously. A quiet Mrs. Knight is quite scary. No one knew what she was about to say. But there shouldn't be a problem with him and James dating should there? Logan held his breath, hoping for the best but anticipating the worst. Mrs. Knight should just say something already. He can't handle tension all too well.

"Oh, this is wonderful!" Mrs. Knight suddenly exclaimed.

Logan exhaled, relieved. For a second he thought Mrs. Knight wouldn't allow him and James from seeing each other and thus he would have to start dating James behind her back and a forbidden romance between the two of them would ensue just like it does in some romantic novel he remembered reading. It would've been a thrill actually, but Mrs. Knight being actually excited about the two of them was much better.

Carlos cheered. He loved a happy ending. Especially for his best friends. "You guys should totally kiss!"

Logan stiffened, his eyes full-blown and his face completely red. James shifted uncomfortably.

"C'mon now, don't be shy." Carlos teased.

"Carlos, sweetie, that's hardly appropriate." Mrs. Knight said. "That's something they would probably prefer to do without all of us here."

"Yeah, as much as I'm happy for them, I'm not really comfortable watching people make out," Katie added, shuddering.

"You guys are no fun." Carlos pouted and everyone else snickered.

Kendall chuckled along as he quietly watched the scene unfold. He was happy for James and Logan, truly he was, much like everyone else. But now a part of him yearned for what they have. And as much as he hoped it would happen for him and Carlos, he still firmly believed it never would. He had to cope with watching James and Logan being happy and romantic together and then pine over Carlos without him knowing, wishing he had what James and Logan shared. It would be a hard task, but he had to try and manage.

"Kendall, you alright there?" Logan asked when he noticed Kendall staring blankly.

All eyes shifted to Kendall, catching him off guard. "What? Oh, I'm fine. Listen, I'm really happy for you guys," Kendall said as he removed his helmet, "but I'm tired from Disneyland so I'm gonna head to bed." Kendall attempted another smile, and it looked like it worked for the most part as he started walking away and no one was saying anything.

Carlos frowned. He wanted to wait before doing this because he was still honestly a bit nervous about this, but he couldn't stand seeing Kendall upset. He couldn't be fooled by that smile Kendall put on. "Kendall, wait." Carlos chased after Kendall, removing his helmet as well and placing it next to Kendall's.

Kendall froze. He so badly just wanted to confine himself to his room and not think about Carlos and let Logan and James be all happy together, but he couldn't go when Carlos calls out for him like that.

"I just wanted to say thanks for going to Disneyland with me today," Carlos said, now standing in front of Kendall.

"My pleasure, Carlos. It was fun." Kendall smiled at Carlos, genuinely this time. It really was fun. It was the most fun Kendall had in awhile.

Carlos looked uneasy, playing with his fingers and looking back at the small group of people behind him and Kendall.

"Is something wrong?" Kendall asked.

Carlos shifted his gaze from the floor to Kendall, staring at the blonde straight in the eye. He had a soft look in his eyes and his mouth curved into subtle smirk. And before Kendall knew it, Carlos was on his tiptoes and their lips were pressed together, Carlos's hands holding Kendall's face firmly.

Kendall's eyes grew wide, as did everyone else's that was in the room except Logan. Logan was smiling. He knew Kendall had wanted this for quite some time.

Carlos's lips were soft, as Kendall knew they would be. He felt his eyes flutter until they were shut, and Kendall was leaning in, kissing Carlos back because this was what he has been waiting for. His heart raced, from excitement or nervousness he didn't know. It was probably a mixture of both.

"Okay, what did I just say about people making out?" Katie blurted.

Mrs. Knight shushed her daughter, not wanting to ruin her son's and Carlos's moment. She looked on at the sight of the two boys kissing, and her enthusiasm and excitement for Kendall and Carlos matched what she felt from learning that James and Logan were dating not too long ago.

Carlos broke off the kiss and stared at the floor, his cheeks a rosy color. He took Kendall's hand in his and turned to face everyone.

"I'm not trying to steal your guys's thunder or anything but Kendall and I are together too." Carlos stated, quite proudly.

There was a bit of panic evident in Kendall's eyes. He looked at his mom, as if to search for approval. When she nodded, as shocked as Kendall was with how everything had just unraveled and transpired, he interlaced his fingers with Carlos's and flashed his smile to everyone, dimples stretching their longest and everything.

"Still tired Kendall?" Logan joked.

"Oh, shut up." Kendall replied.

"Oh this is just too perfect!" Mrs. Knight chanted. Even Katie looked satisfied with how everything worked out.

"Well, he may not be tired, but I sure am. So if you all will excuse me."

"Where do you think you're going Katie? We have to go out and celebrate!

"Mom, I don't think that would be such a good idea."

"And why not? We have every reason to."

"Because..." Katie said, hinting at the two couples. But her mom was clueless, as were the boys. With a sigh, Katie walked over to her mother and took her by the wrist to drag her close to the kitchen. Mrs. Knight leaned forward so her daughter could reach her ear, and Katie whispered to her mother.

Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan exchanged curious looks, wondering what Katie could possibly be telling Mrs. Knight.

Mrs. Knight gave an elongated 'oh' before she spoke again, "Katie's right. I'm tired too. We're heading to bed. Goodnight." And the mother-daughter pair headed for their bedroom. Mrs. Knight paused as she made her exit. "And don't do anything...you know...'naughty', okay?" Mrs. Knight winked.

"Mom!" Katie yelled.

"Coming!" Mrs. Knight left, but not before she saw all four of the boys with flushed cheeks and jaws hung open. It was a funny sight, and she headed to her bedroom grinning.

"Well that was..." James said.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Kendall added, rubbing the back of his neck, embarrassed with his mother's choice of words.

"Wait, was your mom being serious though?" Carlos asked Kendall.

James and Logan both choked and burst into a fit of laughter. Kendall's face was as red as could be.

The night was full of surprises.

* * *

><p>The four of them had agreed to Carlos and Logan switching rooms for the night, of course still abiding, or at least trying to abide by Mrs. Knight's 'nothing naughty' rule.<p>

Carlos entered Kendall's bedroom as the blonde led him inside. He's entered the bedroom times before, but this time felt different. He liked it better there now, especially knowing that it would be just him and Kendall there for the evening. Not that James was a terrible roommate or anything, despite the number of Cuda products he saw lying around on James's dresser and on the floor, adding on to the mess that the both of them had already created; Carlos just really wanted to be with Kendall. He took a seat next to Kendall on his bed, their fingers still intertwined, their eyes still fixated on each other.

"Uhm." Kendall muttered, unsure of what to do, what to say. It was a first, really. Kendall always had something to say, whether it was to Gustavo, or Mr. Bitters or to his mom, and everyone else. Being at a loss for words when it came to Carlos, he guessed, really meant something.

"Can we go back to kissing now?" Carlos asked, shyly.

Kendall smiled, leaned forward, and gave Carlos his request, kissing the smaller boy on his soft lips. It felt just as good as the first time. They broke off to catch their breaths, and Kendall grew curious, "Say, Carlos..." he said, looking at their joined hands instead of Carlos's eyes.

"Hm?"

"When did you start...you know, liking me?"

"I...honestly don't know. I think it sort of...just happened. Like I told you, you were the only one that has made an effort to hang out with me and every time we did, I had a lot of fun. More fun than when I'm hanging out with James or Logan or anyone else. And before I knew it, I...started to like you..." Carlos said, his voice getting faint as he continued.

And Kendall was satisfied with that answer. Actually, he would've been satisfied with any answer. All that really mattered was that Carlos was his, and nothing could be better than that.

"Sucks that we can't do anything tonight." Carlos added teasingly.

Kendall was speechless. He has definitely not seen this side of Carlos. "W-what?" he stuttered.

"I'm kidding!"

"That's not funny!" Kendall blushed.

"Your reaction was."

If Kendall had a list of the things that made him fall in love with Carlos, Carlos's unpredictability was definitely somewhere in there, probably near the top.

"We can still cuddle though right? That's not doing anything naughty?"

Kendall snickered lightly. "No, Carlos. Cuddling is perfectly fine."

And if Kendall had to guess what was at the top of that list, how sweet and adorable Carlos was definitely what triumphed over all.

* * *

><p>James and Logan decided to stay on the couch as Kendall and Carlos made their way to the bedrooms. Much like the two, James and Logan held the other's hand, but Logan can feel James shaking.<p>

"Hey, are you okay?" Logan asked James with worried eyes.

"What? Oh, I'm fine."

"But you're shaking."

"Oh, I'm sorry." James swallowed a lump in his throat. "I'm still... I don't know, Logan. I'm still not sure of everything."

Logan can feel his heart start to sink. That was not something he wanted to hear.

James felt Logan's hand starting to slip away from his grasp, and upon realizing how disheartening his previous statement sounded, he tightened his grip on Logan's hand, refusing to let go of him. "I mean I want to be with you, I do. And I'm really sorry it took me this long to realize that. It's just..."

"Just what?"

"I'm scared, Logan. This is all new for me."

And Logan couldn't possibly blame James for that.

"Don't worry...truth is, I'm scared too."

"You are?"

"Of course. This is new for me too. Everyone gets a little scared at the start of a relationship."

"But...it's not just that, Logan. I'm scared of...what other people might think, you know?"

"James…" Logan placed a reassuring hand on James's shoulder. "…who cares? Who cares what other people think? All I know is, I'm happy being with you. I don't give a damn about what other people think over us dating because I'm happy enough to not care for their opinion."

James stared blankly to the side, thoughts by the millions flooding his head. Logan was absolutely right. He was so scared of what other people would think of him being with a guy that he became a destructive force that basically ruined Logan emotionally. And it almost killed his chances of being with Logan, let alone staying friends with him. It was ridiculous, his fear.

Every second that passed with James not saying anything, Logan was losing hope, little by little. He knew that James was the type of person that cared about what other people thought of him and he completely understood why James would feel this way.

James sighed. He squeezed Logan's hand a bit tighter in his and gave Logan a deep, passionate kiss, taking Logan by surprise.

When James pulled away, there was still a bit of uncertainty in his face.

But then he smiled.

"Let's go on a date." James said.

Confusion was evident in Logan's face. "...a date? Does that mean?"

"You're right. I shouldn't care what other people think. I shouldn't care what they think about who I'm dating. So tomorrow, you and I are going on a date."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you really want me to change my mind?"

"Of course not!" Logan answered quickly.

James smiled and leaned in for one more kiss. He knew it was going to take him some time, but he loved Logan too much to let him go. He wasn't going to let some silly little fear ruin what he has with Logan.

Logan smiled underneath James's lips. Despite what James had done to him over the past few days, right now, he could not be any happier. Despite knowing that James has this fear, he knew they would be able to get over it. None of that mattered, because all that really did matter was that he was with James, finally.

**The End**

* * *

><p><strong>…and thus concludes <em>When Reality Hits<em>. I hope it wasn't too bad? I felt it was a little weak, but I honestly don't know if I could have written it any better. I hope I tied a couple of loose ends and I hope you all enjoyed the final chapter. Please review and tell me what you think :)**

**My upcoming stories:**

**_In His Eyes_**** – **yes I changed the title and tweaking the first chapter a bit before I post the second chapter. I know I posted it all the way back in August and haven't updated it since, but it is the next thing I will be working on.

**_Friends with Benefits_**** –** I will try to juggle updating this alongside _In His Eyes_. Hopefully I don't get as stuck as often as I did for WRH so I can actually update both, so we'll see.

**Until next time!**


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